Friday, January 15, 2010

January 15th, 2010

And I am sitting on my back deck in a tank top.

And with this, Southern living is beginning to grow on me.
I think the trees are confused though, I mean my wardrobe is. I love these days, the ones that come out of nowhere just exactly when you need them. I needed a day in the sun, but honestly, I'd like to think I need everyday in the sun.
As an update, we're still waiting. No news is good news though, especially when it is almost 80 degrees outside. I can handle waiting today.
Romeo told me last night that he wasn't as excited to go to Haiti anymore. He told me that he was no longer looking forward to months of dirty clothes and sleeping in tents. He even went as far to say that with the thought of months of MRE's coming his way, my cooking was starting to look not-so-bad after all. This could all be working in my favor!
He can read my thoughts when I can't. He knows how I feel before I feel it. He amazes me.
but I know him too...
and for the man who lives for combat and adventure to say he isn't excited anymore, is enough to cause alarm.
I did this.
I've been too loving for him to want to leave.
Done too many loads of dirty uniforms and socks for him to want to go.
Made too many cookies for him to want brown plastic packages for months.
Played too many video games for him to want to go to a land of no communication.
How can I make this easier for him?
I've already done my best so he doesn't know I cry.
Stayed as self suffiecient and independent as can be.
Not nagged or clung to him and his every move.
As the wife of a man whose job it is to walk away at a moment's notice,
how do we make that task do-able?
I've been reading about the psychological toll that sudden deployments take on Soldiers, from the initial adrenaline and excitement, to the eventual second thoughts and worries. What as wives do we do to help?
The more we comfort, the more he wants to keep the security.
The more we calm, the more he craves the serenity.
The more we support, the more he wants to support us.
I guess the moral of all of this is theres not a way to make these things any easier. You just have to do it. We can spend day in and day out trying to rationalize and cope, but the more you try, the more you fail. Spend day in and day out praying for exactly what will help you make it through...
"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I
cannot change; Courage to change the
things that I can, and the Wisdom to know
the difference."

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