The Start

Somewhere in Canada, there is a handsome soldier waiting impatiently for a flight crew so that he can work his way a few hundred miles closer to his home for the next year. He's counting the minutes, since the wait has already been long enough. It's already been nearly a week since our last kiss, what will be our last kiss for at least the next few months. Meanwhile, there's a lonely girl waiting through a hurricane, sitting in her corner of the couch, immersed in a Keeping up with the Kardashians marathon.
That's my story. Here I am. We're just beginning the next part of our journey, and so far, it's been off to a rocky start. Romeo has been bumped around from flight to flight, and delayed and rushed and everything in-between. I'm not sure the whole reality of the deployment has set in to me yet, things are still feeling like he's gone away on another TDY. Either way, as always, life goes on.
I have a lot of plans to keep myself busy throughout the next few months. Romeo and I are planning on taking a trip during R&R, so I'm anticipating organizing and looking forward to that. There are also a handful of household projects that I'd like to tackle, so hopefully I can get a kick-start on that as well. For now, I'm just taking it all in and trying to get a firm footing again. It seems pre-deployment life is just so tumultuous, that the calm after the storm is both calming and overwhelming at the same time.
So as the house shakes, and the wind continues to howl throughout the neighborhood, I'm going to hang out in my corner of the couch and hope for a moment to hear Romeo's voice. I'm praying for the safety of all of the East Coasters being effected by hurricane Irene.

Daylight Saving Screw-up

Is anyone else completely upside-down over one hour?

Holy Hannah.

Either way, this day has been a blur of all things unfocused and chaotic. I'll be resting my head early tonight in hopes of regaining my lost, precious hour.

The right kind of people

Mil wives, this one is for you.

Recently, I've gotten my first bitter taste of what it is to witness, or for some intensive purposes, play part to some of the unmentionable drama that is stereotypically our lives. During my time here at Fort Bragg, I've been blessed with the opportunity to meet a variety of women from a multitude of backgrounds and lifestyles. What ties us all together is the love for our men and our country, and the struggles that immense love and loyalty brings with it. I never believed that as a the spouse of a man that goes through what he does, that I would have had time to engross myself in petty drama and ridicule, and up to this point I have not. Unfortunately, that is not the case for a few women that share this walk of life.

A point that I must make in order to ensure understanding in this matter, is that I am a very loyal friend. A very loyal, very protective friend. Even more so now than ever, my friends are as close to my family and they can be. They are my sisters and my confidantes, my shoulders to lean on when my husband cannot be within an arm's reach. They are my family away from family and I treat and respect them just as my own. This said, when they are treated poorly by someone else, or disrespected, I am not one to stand by and watch it happen. This is the ambiguous story of the drama. Without going into too much detail, and without disclosing information that is unwarranted, I have learned that to some people, respect and common courtesy are not a high priority. It's a shame to think that even though each one of us are suffering similar struggles, we evidently cannot respect each other enough to be a good friend, rather than a burden.

Since this drama has subsided, I have made a vow to myself and my sisterfriends here, that I will not surround myself with the wrong kind of people. That I myself will work to be the best person and the best friend that I know how to be. That I will never make someone feel the way these awful women have, nor will I stand by and watch it happen. In this life, there is no time to divert our attention with the malicious and evil ways of others, but to merely better the lives and ease the struggles of the ones who care.

New beginnings

Amidst the chaos that has been the past few months of my life, those close to me have continued to mention the same ever-familiar mantra.

"What is meant to be, is meant to be."

This 9 word cliche is often overused, or even more frequently, misused to tame the embers of hurt and despair during difficult times. But on rare occasion, it is worth its' merit in gold, and can lead its' benefactor towards a path of contentment again.

And this is my story.

I'll save you the gory details, and summarize my miserable months in just a few words. They were merely that. Miserable. Six months ago, I had a fantastic job, was quickly climbing the corporate ladder and making a name for myself within the company. Three months ago, the rug was pulled out from under me, and as quickly as my success had come, it was taken away and I was unemployed. And devastated.

I took a few weeks of "funemployment", which in my terms meant time at home, catching up on things around the house, and doing my best to appreciate my time off. That lasted about 2 weeks, and my restlessness and determination to be back in the workplace had suddenly consumed me again. It was at this point that I became obsessed with job hunting and sending out resumes, thinking that my efforts would be fruitful and quick.

Wrong.

My disappointment in myself, now not only from losing my job to begin with, but from not being able to secure another one, was immense. My patience was wearing thin, and people closest to me came to bear the burden of my lost self-confidence.

It was just during this time that I was FINALLY offered a position to work in the local photography studio and frame shop. I wasn't entirely sold on the position, but it was a job, and I was in no position to turn it down. I began my time there, and learned to love it in a very short time. My coworkers and boss were amazing and though I was not thrilled at the compensation, it was a lot better than nothing. And in a brief moment, or should I say, in a brief phone call, it all fell together once again.

"What is meant to be, is meant to be."

After about a week and a half at the studio, I received a job offer that was everything that I could've asked for. I submitted my notice at the studio that very day, and began to count down the working hours until I could begin with my next great opportunity.

On Monday, March 7th, 2011, I began orientation for the single most rewarding and appreciative company that I could've imagined. I was thrilled. I am not at liberty to disclose exactly where or what this company may be, but I can say that I am so truly thankful that I have been given the chance to work for such an amazing organization. They give back to their employees tenfold. They provide every amenity and benefit and perk. They provide and joyful, thankful and merry workplace for all, and I could not be happier.

I can truly say, that despite my resentment for the cliche was seemingly on repeat through my miserable months, I am a believer. I am a believer that endlessly swinging pendulum of life will always swing back in the direction of our favor, that every trial results in triumph, and each triumph will be met with trial. I am a believer that even though it may be so simple to comprehend in our minds that "What is meant to be, is meant to be", it is not so simple to tell our hearts. I'm a believer that it's worth it. I have faith in fate and destiny, and that story eventually has a happy ending.

I'm so thankful for that.

And just like that....

I'm back in the game.

Just a few days ago, I was blogging about shelving my job search temporarily. Now, I'm rushing around trying to get myself together for my first day back to work! I am truly relieved that I am able to get back to work, but at the same time, I'm going to miss all of my new-found activities! I was finally starting to get used to life at home. I had begun to embrace life as a housewife, and was loving all of the time I had to spend with my friends.

I'm really excited about my new job, it kind of just fell onto my lap and I could not be more thrilled to begin! I'll be working as the assistant for the photographer who works specifically on-post. We have a TON of projects in the upcoming weeks and I am so pumped to dive right into it.

Anyway- I'll have more of an update later, and a re-cap of the things I've learned during my time at home. Until then, off to work I go!

Steps

The hardest steps in all of our journeys, are the first.

The first shoelace that's tied.

The first foot in front of the other.

This is a relative concept to most things. Both literally, and figuratively, the first steps are the biggest challenge. The first few words of a blog post, the first moments in the morning when you're deciding to get out of bed. The first attempt to reconcile a damaged relationship. The first Sunday back to Church. So many first steps we take on a daily basis. So many moments that we decide to overcome the challenge, instead of letting it overcome us.

Sometimes, when that challenge seems just a bit too daunting, we stand still. When the turmoil of what is to come seems like it is just too much, we close our eyes, lock our knees, and stand as a statue. It's a valid option to combating obstacles, but by standing still, we make no progress.

I'm making a vow to myself that I'm no longer going to stand on the sidelines. I'm not going to stand by and watch life pass before my eyes because I'm too afraid to take a step. Nope. I'm not just taking steps, I'm taking strides. I'm joining the race and leaving the weight of fear behind.

I challenge you, too. I challenge you to take even just baby steps, or shuffles, in the direction of progress. I challenge you to set your goals, and make them your finish line, not just a distant dream. So many of us treat our goals as dreams, as "someday" kind of thoughts. Goals aren't. Goals are attainable and just waiting for us to reach them.

How can we reach them if we aren't willing to move?

A lull for the sake of sanity

As most of you know, or could easily find out by reading my last few posts, I've had a lot of extra time on my hands lately, thanks to the lovely state of our economy. With all of this availability, I've done my best to occupy my days productively, by starting and completing a few projects around the house, getting back on track with my marathon training, and most of all, job hunting. Up to the end of last week, there has not been a day that has gone by that I have not submitted at least one application per day, and most days, I have submitted WAY more than just one. Needless to say, those tiresome hours typing and emailing away have, so far, been a fruitless effort. So, this week, I am on hiatus from the monotonous and exhausting work that is job hunting. Yes, I know, I know, I can't give up, and believe me, I'm not. But, I've made a vow to myself (and a few others) that I would put my faith in God, and truly believe that what is meant to be is meant to be.

Easier said than done.

Distracted

I am a very focused person. I set my mind to a task and will complete it without straying. Usually.
Lately, I am a mess of all things unorganized. Don't get my wrong, in this past week, I have scrubbed my house from top to bottom, but it has not been without struggle to stay on task. I'm not sure what it is, whether I'm suffering from adult-ADD, but my mind and thought are ALL OVER THE PLACE.
Right now, as I am supposed to be compiling my meal plan and grocery list for the next two weeks, I cannot for the life of me, actually sit down and complete it without being drawn to all things non-grocery. It's beginning to make me insane. I don't know whether I'm subconsciously avoiding something (perhaps something terribly haunting at the Commissary?) or if I just am not making enough effort to control my attention. I've even had issues engaging in conversation lately, not being able to listen thoroughly or even straying from my own thoughts when I'm speaking.
Who knows. I guess I'm just going through a "...look there's a squirrel"-phase. Eeek. It better end soon.
Any tips for better focus or concentration?

The best of intentions

Just finished up a walk with the furbabies, and during said excursion, after being forced to become a participant in a dog sled across frozen streets, I have come to the conclusion that I really need to get back on the strength-training regimen. I have spent the past two years doing nothing but immense amounts of cardio (running, swimming, spinning) and next to no strength work. Well, lo and behold, I can't even control my 60-lb Calymonster. I could run miles and miles with her, but if she decides to change direction, you best believe that I'm going with her whether I like it or not. Thus, to the gym I will go to work on some of those other muscles that I have neglected during my never-ending love affair with all things cardio.

As women, I think there is a certain challenge in figuring out a balance of exercises. Like I said, I am a cardio junkie (thank God, otherwise I'd be the size of a house!). But, my other muscles have bore the burden of my lack of proportion (somewhat literally). Honestly, I feel that I cannot do without cardio, because if I spent the amount of time that I do running on something like weight-lifting, I'd look like Arnold in no time. Not exactly the look I was going for. The way I see it, cardio keeps us svelte, but can also wither our bodies away to skeletons. Weight-lifting and strength work gives us the tone and definition that we all strive for, but also packs on the bulk if not done correctly. So what is the happy medium? To all you ladies (and gentlemen) out there, how do you incorporate all aspects of fitness into your exercise routines?

Getting it together

This time, last year, my world was upside-down. I was 3-weeks married to my GI Joe, and there he was, boarding a plane to earthquake land. I was in new place, with not a single familiar face. I had a brand-new job, and brand-new home, and a brand-new beginning all to myself.

Today, a year and 3 weeks into my marriage, I'm again upside-down. I now have my GI Joe here with me, and after nearly the entire year apart, we have had a whole lot of adjusting to do. We had both continued to grow, and fortunately, even despite the distance, had grown even closer together. We've have our fair share of obstacles, but all-in-all, we've come so far and have conquered all of the challenges that life has thrown our way.

Before Romeo and I were married, I did my best to prepare myself for the lifestyle that I was joining. I braced myself for deployments and PCS moves, for late shifts and random weekend formations. I did what I could to jump right into the perspective of a MilSpouse. Knowing now what events and struggles this past year has brought with it, I wasn't prepared at all. I wasn't ready for the emotions of being alone, and away from my familiar life. I wasn't ready for the growing and learning that I had ahead of me. I certainly wasn't prepared for reintegration and all that goes with it. But we did it. And now, a year later, I'm facing my newest learning experience.

A month ago, the week before Christmas, I was laid off. It was COMPLETELY unexpected, and a much bigger blow to our family than I could have anticipated. Fortunately, it worked out well that we were able to go home to our families in the North for a lot longer than we were originally planning. That served as great distraction from the feelings that I was fighting inside, but unfortunately just compressed the emotions when we returned. Needless to say, I've been doing my best to stay positive, but I've been having a few more bad-days than usual.

Last night, I got a chance to really talk about how I've been feeling. I was finally able to verbalize my whole range of emotions, and determine that the best that I can do right now, is to do what I can to make myself happy. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get myself to where I need/want to be, not only for myself, but for Romeo and our marriage. I'm learning to keep myself busy and occupied, to find things and activities that I enjoy, and to invest time in myself. I'm working on my faith in myself, in my life, and in my God.

I'm getting it together, slowly but surely. I'm getting my confidence back, and I'm working on seeing our circumstances from a new perspective. To all of those who have been supportive and been there for me throughout this time, thank you. I love you all for your patience and understanding, for your never-ending love and care.