Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Hello? Springtime? Are you there?

With springtime supposedly days away, I can't help but to see the new perspective that the renewal season always seems to bring. New life, clean house, an appreciation for the outdoors, and hmmm.... what was the other thing?
Oh yeah...
Mmhmm. And with a deep breath and a sigh.... Love. I think we've all got lots of it... Lots of butterflies in the belly, tons of affection and hugs and kisses, mountains of "I love you's" to mutter. And fortunately (or unfortunately, depending?) for her, Calymonster is smothered daily with love and affection because, well, Romeo isn't here to share in the love (literally).
There are lots of other things to do though, I mean I'll be able to plant some flowers in the next few weeks. Enjoy long runs without all of the layers. Maybe even earn myself some tanlines. But honestly, as much as solitude can be refreshing on occasion, constant seclusion is really wearing on my thoughts. Last blog, I mentioned how having some of my FAVORITE crazy ladies over for the weekend was just what I needed, well I'll tell ya, a house full of noise was a wonderful change. I'm trying to make due, but the empty echoes of the iHome blasting leaves much to be desired. I go outside and its birds chirping and dogs barking and leaves rustling and there is so much beautiful chaos on the outside, yet such stillness inside the house. And thats ironic, because in theory, that would make quite the metaphor, but it is just the opposite. On the exterior of my world, everything is still, and quiet. Its routine and strong and calm. On the inside, its a million thoughts and ideas swirling, its broken and frustrated and there is this dull stress at every corner.
I keep looking for something fulfilling to just resolve this numb turmoil, but theres nothing yet. Like I said, I had a WONDERFUL weekend with Thelma and Louise and Nicole, and while the weekend was here, the numbness subsided slightly, but as soon as the house was quiet again, it was back. And honestly, now it is worse than ever.
Before, when Romeo was here, I thought I just looked forward to him getting out of work and coming home and sitting down for dinner and watching stupid movies. But now, I just look forward to him being there. Knowing that if for some reason, I drop the ball, that there is someone else to pick it up. Or if I don't feel well, theres someone to go to the store and get medicine or milk and bread even. At first, when he left, there were a whole lot of things that I didn't miss. The shirts and socks on the floor. The muddy boots and the wet clothes in the car. The endless dishes in the sink and uniform shirts to be washed. The yelling throughout the house at the TV screen and COD. But now, if washing endless amounts of dishes and shirts and socks meant that the house wouldn't be quiet anymore, I'd take it all without hesitation.
So, now with springtime rapidly approaching, I'm going to take the time to prepare for the (hopefully) upcoming chaos. With Easter baskets in tow, I will have everything ready for Romeo's arrival, whenever that may be.
Until then, bring on the flowers, the sunshine and the frozen drinks.

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