So Caly and I ventured onto our typical morning things. She reluctantly headed outside in the rain, and I brewed my AM-caffeine-kick. We ate breakfast, got dressed and ready and said our typical see-ya-laters.
As I walked out the front door, despite the gray skies and bone-chilling wind, I was content. Even though it was a rainy, miserable Monday, it was still going to be a good day, and a great start to what should be a promising week.
I turned on my car, started cruising down the road, and began listening to the everyday chatter of the radio hosts. But today, the normal chatter wasn't. It was all about Healthcare Reform. Painful. So, I flipped some channels, and to no avail, ended up iPod-ing my way to work.
I turned onto ALL-AMERICAN parkway (keep in mind the name-reference irony) to find protesters. And, come on. Not just any protesters. Not about Healthcare reform at all, but of THE WAR. Now, just to give you all a visual, ALL-AMERICAN parkway runs directly into FORT BRAGG. You know, the ARMY BASE. And thousands, and yes, I mean THOUSANDS of Soldiers travel that road EVERY DAY. So I can imagine that I wasn't the only one seriously considering hitting them with my car. (How smart can they be to be standing on the side of the road?) Either way, I was a bit perturbed, but still determine to have a great Monday, and an AWESOME week.
As I pulled into the parking lot, and started gathering the things in my car, with the iPod still playing, what could song would come on but, oh, you guessed it! Our song. Not the Taylor Swift version (though it is adorable and terribly catchy) but I mean OUR song. You know, that Romeo guy and mine. Now, my morning thus far, though challenged at some points, was still on the route to greatness. But now, just with a few bars of that certain song, my Monday has officially taken a wrong-turn into the ghetto of awful Mondays.
So now, I'm bitter and self-loathing and no longer determined to have a great Monday. I'm determined to go home, and cuddle with Caly and cry a whole lot.
Today is stupid.
Typically, I try to be motivational. I try to see bright sides and all that nonsense. But today, I'm not. I'm unhappy and grumpy will probably continue to be until Tuesday. Maybe not even tomorrow-Tuesday. At this rate, it may not be until next-week-Tuesday that I'll be a happy camper. All because of that song.
Yes. Silly right? A song? After all of the things that would typically ruin a Monday, that I did not allow, I'm allowing a simple song to destroy my day? Yes. I do what I want.
I miss Romeo. And I miss hearing songs and smiling. I miss having someone's hand to hold, or someone to bring you a drink when you're super-comfy on the couch. I miss having someone to complain about bad Mondays to, or someone to enjoy cold beer with on the back deck.
He'll be home someday, and hopefully soon. But until then, I'm going to miss him and all the things about having him here. And I'm allowed to. I'm not going to sulk and be a walk-ing zombie all the time, but I don't have to be happy. There's a HUGE part of my life missing right now, and if I want to be sad or mad or hurt or angry about it. I will. And if I want give dirty looks to happy couples, I can do that too. But I know someday, and hopefully soon, there's going to be another wife out there in my shoes giving me dirty looks. Someone who is sad or mad or hurt or angry because there is a huge part of her life missing. I'll just pray that hers comes back soon too. And I'll pray for those wives whose Romeo's won't come back, that the dirty looks and tears and the anger DO make them feel better. There isn't a more frustrating feeling in the world than having a bad Monday and needing a hug or just someone to yell with, and no one around to help you out.
So the next time I hear that song, it might throw me into hysterics, or it might make me smile. I'm hoping for the latter. Until then though, I'm going to purposely avoid "shuffle".