Meg's Life as an Army Wife

The Start

2011-08-27T15:32:00.001-04:00

Somewhere in Canada, there is a handsome soldier waiting impatiently for a flight crew so that he can work his way a few hundred miles closer to his home for the next year. He's counting the minutes, since the wait has already been long enough. It's already been nearly a week since our last kiss, what will be our last kiss for at least the next few months. Meanwhile, there's a lonely girl waiting through a hurricane, sitting in her corner of the couch, immersed in a Keeping up with the Kardashians marathon.
That's my story. Here I am. We're just beginning the next part of our journey, and so far, it's been off to a rocky start. Romeo has been bumped around from flight to flight, and delayed and rushed and everything in-between. I'm not sure the whole reality of the deployment has set in to me yet, things are still feeling like he's gone away on another TDY. Either way, as always, life goes on.
I have a lot of plans to keep myself busy throughout the next few months. Romeo and I are planning on taking a trip during R&R, so I'm anticipating organizing and looking forward to that. There are also a handful of household projects that I'd like to tackle, so hopefully I can get a kick-start on that as well. For now, I'm just taking it all in and trying to get a firm footing again. It seems pre-deployment life is just so tumultuous, that the calm after the storm is both calming and overwhelming at the same time.
So as the house shakes, and the wind continues to howl throughout the neighborhood, I'm going to hang out in my corner of the couch and hope for a moment to hear Romeo's voice. I'm praying for the safety of all of the East Coasters being effected by hurricane Irene.

Daylight Saving Screw-up

2011-03-14T21:45:00.003-04:00

Is anyone else completely upside-down over one hour?

Holy Hannah.

Either way, this day has been a blur of all things unfocused and chaotic. I'll be resting my head early tonight in hopes of regaining my lost, precious hour.

The right kind of people

2011-03-13T21:00:00.002-04:00

Mil wives, this one is for you.

Recently, I've gotten my first bitter taste of what it is to witness, or for some intensive purposes, play part to some of the unmentionable drama that is stereotypically our lives. During my time here at Fort Bragg, I've been blessed with the opportunity to meet a variety of women from a multitude of backgrounds and lifestyles. What ties us all together is the love for our men and our country, and the struggles that immense love and loyalty brings with it. I never believed that as a the spouse of a man that goes through what he does, that I would have had time to engross myself in petty drama and ridicule, and up to this point I have not. Unfortunately, that is not the case for a few women that share this walk of life.

A point that I must make in order to ensure understanding in this matter, is that I am a very loyal friend. A very loyal, very protective friend. Even more so now than ever, my friends are as close to my family and they can be. They are my sisters and my confidantes, my shoulders to lean on when my husband cannot be within an arm's reach. They are my family away from family and I treat and respect them just as my own. This said, when they are treated poorly by someone else, or disrespected, I am not one to stand by and watch it happen. This is the ambiguous story of the drama. Without going into too much detail, and without disclosing information that is unwarranted, I have learned that to some people, respect and common courtesy are not a high priority. It's a shame to think that even though each one of us are suffering similar struggles, we evidently cannot respect each other enough to be a good friend, rather than a burden.

Since this drama has subsided, I have made a vow to myself and my sisterfriends here, that I will not surround myself with the wrong kind of people. That I myself will work to be the best person and the best friend that I know how to be. That I will never make someone feel the way these awful women have, nor will I stand by and watch it happen. In this life, there is no time to divert our attention with the malicious and evil ways of others, but to merely better the lives and ease the struggles of the ones who care.

New beginnings

2011-03-13T20:30:00.004-04:00

Amidst the chaos that has been the past few months of my life, those close to me have continued to mention the same ever-familiar mantra.

"What is meant to be, is meant to be."

This 9 word cliche is often overused, or even more frequently, misused to tame the embers of hurt and despair during difficult times. But on rare occasion, it is worth its' merit in gold, and can lead its' benefactor towards a path of contentment again.

And this is my story.

I'll save you the gory details, and summarize my miserable months in just a few words. They were merely that. Miserable. Six months ago, I had a fantastic job, was quickly climbing the corporate ladder and making a name for myself within the company. Three months ago, the rug was pulled out from under me, and as quickly as my success had come, it was taken away and I was unemployed. And devastated.

I took a few weeks of "funemployment", which in my terms meant time at home, catching up on things around the house, and doing my best to appreciate my time off. That lasted about 2 weeks, and my restlessness and determination to be back in the workplace had suddenly consumed me again. It was at this point that I became obsessed with job hunting and sending out resumes, thinking that my efforts would be fruitful and quick.

Wrong.

My disappointment in myself, now not only from losing my job to begin with, but from not being able to secure another one, was immense. My patience was wearing thin, and people closest to me came to bear the burden of my lost self-confidence.

It was just during this time that I was FINALLY offered a position to work in the local photography studio and frame shop. I wasn't entirely sold on the position, but it was a job, and I was in no position to turn it down. I began my time there, and learned to love it in a very short time. My coworkers and boss were amazing and though I was not thrilled at the compensation, it was a lot better than nothing. And in a brief moment, or should I say, in a brief phone call, it all fell together once again.

"What is meant to be, is meant to be."

After about a week and a half at the studio, I received a job offer that was everything that I could've asked for. I submitted my notice at the studio that very day, and began to count down the working hours until I could begin with my next great opportunity.

On Monday, March 7th, 2011, I began orientation for the single most rewarding and appreciative company that I could've imagined. I was thrilled. I am not at liberty to disclose exactly where or what this company may be, but I can say that I am so truly thankful that I have been given the chance to work for such an amazing organization. They give back to their employees tenfold. They provide every amenity and benefit and perk. They provide and joyful, thankful and merry workplace for all, and I could not be happier.

I can truly say, that despite my resentment for the cliche was seemingly on repeat through my miserable months, I am a believer. I am a believer that endlessly swinging pendulum of life will always swing back in the direction of our favor, that every trial results in triumph, and each triumph will be met with trial. I am a believer that even though it may be so simple to comprehend in our minds that "What is meant to be, is meant to be", it is not so simple to tell our hearts. I'm a believer that it's worth it. I have faith in fate and destiny, and that story eventually has a happy ending.

I'm so thankful for that.

And just like that....

2011-02-08T07:38:00.002-05:00

I'm back in the game.

Just a few days ago, I was blogging about shelving my job search temporarily. Now, I'm rushing around trying to get myself together for my first day back to work! I am truly relieved that I am able to get back to work, but at the same time, I'm going to miss all of my new-found activities! I was finally starting to get used to life at home. I had begun to embrace life as a housewife, and was loving all of the time I had to spend with my friends.

I'm really excited about my new job, it kind of just fell onto my lap and I could not be more thrilled to begin! I'll be working as the assistant for the photographer who works specifically on-post. We have a TON of projects in the upcoming weeks and I am so pumped to dive right into it.

Anyway- I'll have more of an update later, and a re-cap of the things I've learned during my time at home. Until then, off to work I go!

Steps

2011-02-04T11:15:00.003-05:00

The hardest steps in all of our journeys, are the first.

The first shoelace that's tied.

The first foot in front of the other.

This is a relative concept to most things. Both literally, and figuratively, the first steps are the biggest challenge. The first few words of a blog post, the first moments in the morning when you're deciding to get out of bed. The first attempt to reconcile a damaged relationship. The first Sunday back to Church. So many first steps we take on a daily basis. So many moments that we decide to overcome the challenge, instead of letting it overcome us.

Sometimes, when that challenge seems just a bit too daunting, we stand still. When the turmoil of what is to come seems like it is just too much, we close our eyes, lock our knees, and stand as a statue. It's a valid option to combating obstacles, but by standing still, we make no progress.

I'm making a vow to myself that I'm no longer going to stand on the sidelines. I'm not going to stand by and watch life pass before my eyes because I'm too afraid to take a step. Nope. I'm not just taking steps, I'm taking strides. I'm joining the race and leaving the weight of fear behind.

I challenge you, too. I challenge you to take even just baby steps, or shuffles, in the direction of progress. I challenge you to set your goals, and make them your finish line, not just a distant dream. So many of us treat our goals as dreams, as "someday" kind of thoughts. Goals aren't. Goals are attainable and just waiting for us to reach them.

How can we reach them if we aren't willing to move?

A lull for the sake of sanity

2011-02-03T08:40:00.002-05:00

As most of you know, or could easily find out by reading my last few posts, I've had a lot of extra time on my hands lately, thanks to the lovely state of our economy. With all of this availability, I've done my best to occupy my days productively, by starting and completing a few projects around the house, getting back on track with my marathon training, and most of all, job hunting. Up to the end of last week, there has not been a day that has gone by that I have not submitted at least one application per day, and most days, I have submitted WAY more than just one. Needless to say, those tiresome hours typing and emailing away have, so far, been a fruitless effort. So, this week, I am on hiatus from the monotonous and exhausting work that is job hunting. Yes, I know, I know, I can't give up, and believe me, I'm not. But, I've made a vow to myself (and a few others) that I would put my faith in God, and truly believe that what is meant to be is meant to be.

Easier said than done.

Distracted

2011-02-02T10:24:00.002-05:00

I am a very focused person. I set my mind to a task and will complete it without straying. Usually.
Lately, I am a mess of all things unorganized. Don't get my wrong, in this past week, I have scrubbed my house from top to bottom, but it has not been without struggle to stay on task. I'm not sure what it is, whether I'm suffering from adult-ADD, but my mind and thought are ALL OVER THE PLACE.
Right now, as I am supposed to be compiling my meal plan and grocery list for the next two weeks, I cannot for the life of me, actually sit down and complete it without being drawn to all things non-grocery. It's beginning to make me insane. I don't know whether I'm subconsciously avoiding something (perhaps something terribly haunting at the Commissary?) or if I just am not making enough effort to control my attention. I've even had issues engaging in conversation lately, not being able to listen thoroughly or even straying from my own thoughts when I'm speaking.
Who knows. I guess I'm just going through a "...look there's a squirrel"-phase. Eeek. It better end soon.
Any tips for better focus or concentration?

The best of intentions

2011-01-13T14:17:00.002-05:00

Just finished up a walk with the furbabies, and during said excursion, after being forced to become a participant in a dog sled across frozen streets, I have come to the conclusion that I really need to get back on the strength-training regimen. I have spent the past two years doing nothing but immense amounts of cardio (running, swimming, spinning) and next to no strength work. Well, lo and behold, I can't even control my 60-lb Calymonster. I could run miles and miles with her, but if she decides to change direction, you best believe that I'm going with her whether I like it or not. Thus, to the gym I will go to work on some of those other muscles that I have neglected during my never-ending love affair with all things cardio.

As women, I think there is a certain challenge in figuring out a balance of exercises. Like I said, I am a cardio junkie (thank God, otherwise I'd be the size of a house!). But, my other muscles have bore the burden of my lack of proportion (somewhat literally). Honestly, I feel that I cannot do without cardio, because if I spent the amount of time that I do running on something like weight-lifting, I'd look like Arnold in no time. Not exactly the look I was going for. The way I see it, cardio keeps us svelte, but can also wither our bodies away to skeletons. Weight-lifting and strength work gives us the tone and definition that we all strive for, but also packs on the bulk if not done correctly. So what is the happy medium? To all you ladies (and gentlemen) out there, how do you incorporate all aspects of fitness into your exercise routines?

Getting it together

2011-01-13T10:10:00.002-05:00

This time, last year, my world was upside-down. I was 3-weeks married to my GI Joe, and there he was, boarding a plane to earthquake land. I was in new place, with not a single familiar face. I had a brand-new job, and brand-new home, and a brand-new beginning all to myself.

Today, a year and 3 weeks into my marriage, I'm again upside-down. I now have my GI Joe here with me, and after nearly the entire year apart, we have had a whole lot of adjusting to do. We had both continued to grow, and fortunately, even despite the distance, had grown even closer together. We've have our fair share of obstacles, but all-in-all, we've come so far and have conquered all of the challenges that life has thrown our way.

Before Romeo and I were married, I did my best to prepare myself for the lifestyle that I was joining. I braced myself for deployments and PCS moves, for late shifts and random weekend formations. I did what I could to jump right into the perspective of a MilSpouse. Knowing now what events and struggles this past year has brought with it, I wasn't prepared at all. I wasn't ready for the emotions of being alone, and away from my familiar life. I wasn't ready for the growing and learning that I had ahead of me. I certainly wasn't prepared for reintegration and all that goes with it. But we did it. And now, a year later, I'm facing my newest learning experience.

A month ago, the week before Christmas, I was laid off. It was COMPLETELY unexpected, and a much bigger blow to our family than I could have anticipated. Fortunately, it worked out well that we were able to go home to our families in the North for a lot longer than we were originally planning. That served as great distraction from the feelings that I was fighting inside, but unfortunately just compressed the emotions when we returned. Needless to say, I've been doing my best to stay positive, but I've been having a few more bad-days than usual.

Last night, I got a chance to really talk about how I've been feeling. I was finally able to verbalize my whole range of emotions, and determine that the best that I can do right now, is to do what I can to make myself happy. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get myself to where I need/want to be, not only for myself, but for Romeo and our marriage. I'm learning to keep myself busy and occupied, to find things and activities that I enjoy, and to invest time in myself. I'm working on my faith in myself, in my life, and in my God.

I'm getting it together, slowly but surely. I'm getting my confidence back, and I'm working on seeing our circumstances from a new perspective. To all of those who have been supportive and been there for me throughout this time, thank you. I love you all for your patience and understanding, for your never-ending love and care.

'Tis the Season...

2010-12-03T11:51:00.003-05:00

For Thanksgiving and Celebration.

Unfortunately, there are many men and women who will not be able to spend the Holidays with their loved ones this year. One of the many causes available to reach out to Soldiers and their families this Holiday Season, is the Recovering American Soldier Project.

This year, when sending out your Holiday cards, please take a single moment to address one to:

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue
NW Washington, DC20307-5001

It will only take a spare second of your time, and in that second, you could bring light to even the most dim of circumstances during this Holiday Season.

"No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks."

Fur-parenting

2010-11-14T09:22:00.002-05:00

Oh Lord. It's a cold Sunday morning, 6:48am. My fur-babies are whining to go out and I am terribly comfortable and warm in bed. When I cannot stand the high-pitched squeals any longer, I get up, let the puppies outside and meander around the kitchen.

And then the high-pitched squealing commences.

I give it a minute, praying it will stop, and when it doesn't, I peek out the back door. Tank (our youngest furchild) is producing this ungodly sound at the edge of our closed pool.

Then I hear the sounds and see the splashing.

Caly, our older fur-baby, is flailing frantically in the middle of the pool. It's 33 degrees outside. What else would a fur-mommy do?

In the pool I go to pull Caly out.

My heart was fighting the freezing water by beating 19740898575 MPH. Caly and I get out of the pool, inside and wrapped in blankets. She's shaking, I'm shaking, and I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life!

I call Romeo, then the vet, then my Mom, then Romeo again. Caly is warmed up by now, and running around chasing Tank.

Thank God.

I have never been more sure that I am not ready or prepared to be a parent! I have never been more thankful for Tank and his obnoxious whining! I have never been more overjoyed to be whipped with Caly's lethal tail!

Happy Sunday!

Now that I've finally tamed my heartrate, I can honestly say that for at least awhile, I'm going to be a very cautious fur-parent. My Mom told me that you have to let your babies figure things out on their own, and sometimes they're going to have to hurt themselves to figure it out.

Reason #49586920 to wait to have children.

Goals for 22

2010-11-12T14:29:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I embarked on the journey into my 22nd year. It was a lovely day. I recieved some BEAUTIFUL flowers from my parents and from work, and a whole bunch of lovely birthday wishes. I spent the evening with good friends, who thankfully invited me to dinner for the big 2-2. I had a wonderful day, and I am so blessed.

My parents made mention to something that caught me a bit off guard, though. They had asked if my birthday wish came true, and to that, I replied, "It did, but it's held up in Texas and will arrive in xx days.", obviously referring to my wish that Romeo would be home with me. My Dad said something then, and you know, he really is the smartest Dad in the world, because he said:

"Don't be counting your days away. Even now, when you want your days to fly by, appreciate them, because soon enough, when life is back together again, and happier days are here, they're going to keep flying by, and before you know it, you're another year older."

Thank you, Poppy. You and Mom always know what to say to keep things in perspective.

Anyway, this all got me thinking. This past year has been the biggest whirlwind of my life. From marriage, to deployment, to home-buying and everything in-between, I've lost sight of a lot of things. This isn't necessarily bad, because I've outgrown a lot of hobbies, achieved a lot of goals, and grown into a better person than I was this time a year ago. It's now time to reassess the life I'm leading, and the person that I'm growing into, to better prepare for future success.

With that in mind, here's my life list for 22:

1. Go back to school, succeed, and step closer to your educational goals.

2. Pay off A LOT of debt. Build a secure savings.

3. Send cards, letters, packages. ON TIME.

4. Go to church.

5. Master a few dozen recipes, and come up with a few of my own.

6. Beat Romeo in a video game (without him letting me win!)

7. Run a marathon. Complete a p90x cycle.

8. Appreciate time with Romeo, be supportive and understanding, but true to myself and my feelings.

9. Continue to climb the ladder in my career, stay organized and focused.

10. Go skydiving.

11. Go on a vacation. Finally have a honeymoon.

12. Host a party or two (or three, or four, or five!)

13. Successfully cook Thanksgiving dinner.

14. Go hiking.

15. Run with Romeo.

16. Build something. Be crafty.

17. Volunteer. Coach a team.

18. Learn something about Romeo every day. Make up for lost time.

19. Keep in touch with family with more than just Facebook. Call, write, skype.

20. Always bring something when I am invited somewhere. Never show up empty handed.

21. Go to Biltmore Estate.

22. Be done with Christmas/Birthday shopping AHEAD OF TIME.

I'm sure as the year progresses and I (hopefully) start crossing these off of my list, there will be plenty more to add. I'm looking forward to a lot of things this year, but I'm not going to count down any more. I'm not going to count my days away, because when it comes down to it, aren't our days already numbered? Why waste precious moments wishing them away?

Protect and Serve

2010-11-11T09:16:00.009-05:00

There aren't any combinations of words that could be even near appropriate enough to thank our Veterans for their sacrifices.

I know nothing of the sacrifices our Soldiers make. I can guess, I can be told, but I won't ever have a clue.

I'll never know what it feels like to walk away with such pride, despite how much it hurts.

I'll never know the fear or the rush of combat.

I'll never know the pain of losing a comrade.

I'll never know, nor have to find out, because our nation is blessed with brave men and women who are willing to sacrifice their lives so that the rest of us won't ever have to know how it feels.

I do know, though, how to love my Soldier.

And I do know how to support our troops.

And I do know, that without our Veterans, our lives as Americans would not be what they are.

Thank you, Veterans, past and present, for your endless sacrifice. You are the face of a True American.

Countdown To-Do List

2010-11-03T11:29:00.003-04:00

With Romeo's arrival slowly inching towards right-around-the-corner, I have come to the realization that I have accomplished very little in the period of time that I've had to myself. With that in mind, I have concluded that I will be a very busy woman throughout the next few weeks. Adding all of the things to do at home to the chaos at work, I should be insane by Thanksgiving. Nonetheless, the time will pass quickly and my sanity will come back with Romeo.

So, without further distraction, here is the to-do list:

Clean/Organize/Paint/Decorate the office. Not necessarily in that order.
Shampoo the carpet, since my lovely furbabies decided to finger(paw)paint with an ink pen.
Touch up the base boards.
CLEAN- like fo' real.
Tidy up the back yard
Mow the lawn.
Wash/Clean the vehicles
Organize the man-cave

Ok, now that I actually documented the to-do list, it doesn't seem so bad. I'm sure there will be more to add to it in time, though.

Wish me luck!

Moments passed

2010-10-26T19:02:00.003-04:00

Moments here. Moments there. In the most literal of terms, all of those moments happen, regardless of whether we're there for them or not. Moments of joy, frustration, content, angst, pain, pleasure. No matter whether we're participating or not, they're happening. That's terribly unsettling.

In my little world, all of those moments matter. They may not be a BIG deal, but they're a deal nonetheless. When I miss a moment that is not congruent with my universe, it's frustrating. And then, throughout Army life, where because of TDY's or deployments, we're nearly required to miss moments. I don't know that is something I'll ever get used to.

On Sunday night, Romeo was in an accident. I got the phone call at about 10:30pm, and from that point on, felt nothing but helpless. What a feeling. All I could do was think and pray. Hug a pillow. Cry and wait for the next phone call. He was fine, thank God, but the thought of not being there to go to the hospital, and the thought of him being alone was devastating. I know he's a grown man, and of course he was going to be fine, but that is part of my wife-ly duties! I'm supposed to be there to shower sympathy and support. It is possible, but it's really difficult to be a great nurse from 1500 miles away. I officially felt worthy of the worst-wife-ever award, and there wasn't a single thing I could do about it.

I guess the feelings that event provoked are ones to get used to. In this lifestyle, it's more likely that we'll be apart than we'll be together, and missing moments in each other's lives is common. Yes, it's what we all signed up for, but that's not a crutch I feel comfortable leaning on. How do we, when separated by miles and continents and oceans, still be as much of a wife as the woman who sees her husband every night and can make him chicken soup when he's sick? Every time Romeo has ever gotten hurt, I wasn't there. I wasn't there to go to the hospital or doctor's appointments. I wasn't there to make his life any easier. Isn't that part of our end of the deal?

Of course Romeo understands why I am not there, neither one of us has any control over the circumstances that the Army has dealt. I believe that my mind can rationalize why I couldn't be there, but my heart just hurts. It feels like I'm not doing enough, like I should be leaping and bounding my way to an airport to get to him, because that's my job. I'm learning slowly that being a milspouse is so much more than endurance. It is so much more than waiting out a deployment. It's so much more than sacrifice. I'm learning that it is the complete opposite of your every expectation, of yourself and your GI Joe. When Romeo and I were married, I was hell-bent on being the Stepford Wife of the year. I expected myself to keep a lovely home, make amazing meals, balance lives and schedules, keep it all together, and most of all, be there. No matter what. Well, my house is clean, but far from "lovely". The most amazing meal that I've made in the past few months is the stack of pancakes I made the other night. My life, and my schedule is a trainwreck, and now, I'm not there. I'm not saying that I am unhappy or disappointed in myself, because there has been a lot of things that I never thought I could do, but I can honestly say that I have become the complete opposite of my expectations. I'm no Stepford Wife. At this point, I'm closer to Bob the Builder.

So how do we get used to those moments passed? We vowed to be there "for better and worse", so how do we keep up our end of the bargain? Pictures? Letters? Emails? Conversations? Or do we just let them pass? This doesn't just go for you and your spouse's moments, this goes for family at home, or friends that have moved away. How do we continue to be the best wife/daughter/sister/friend from a distance?

How do we stay a part of someone's life when we miss so many moments passed?

It's a little late, but here's the weekend re-cap

2010-10-26T10:36:00.007-04:00

I must preface this with saying that I had an AWESOME weekend. It was busy busy busy and just enough to keep my mind off of my countdowns. I spent time with some wonderful friends (even met a new one!), raced my little heart out, and even got some things done around the house.

On Friday, I was so excited to be taking a mini-roadtrip with J to Myrtle Beach to pick up our race packets and visit the fitness expo (and shop and carb-load). Well, in a not-so-favorable turn of events, work detained me (surprise, surprise) and I was unable to go. Luckily, J and her hubs M were able to head down and pick up both of our race packets (not without some coercing of the race coordinators, of course). After I FINALLY got done with my work-nonsense, I made plans with some other friends to head down-town for the local zombie-walk. I picked up M, and cut through base to get to my house. *Insert flashing lights and sirens here* ...and got pulled over by an MP. Eek. Sometimes, I feel like that is so much worse than being stopped by a regular police officer, only because the repercussions fall back on Romeo. Luckily, there was no ticket issued and we were on our way. We went down-town for the zombie-walk and met up with some more friends. Including Gumby:

We spent the rest of the evening strolling the streets and checking out the vendors and then, of course, observing the entertainment that is "Zombie-Walk".
As you can tell, it was a lot of fun for all ages. People were really creative and it definitely showed. The girls and I stayed for awhile, then went to dinner. It was a great night to get out of the house an spend with good friends.

On Saturday, I did some work around the house and then met up with Katie F from The Life of an Army Wife for the God Strong event at a local church. Sara Horn, the author, is a truly captivating speaker. I was so thankful to be able to spend the afternoon with Katie, as she is just as sweet as can be. We found that we have a lot of mil-spouse experiences in common, and it was wonderful just to sit and chat. I felt like I learned a lot from the event itself, and walked away feeling motivated and driven to be a more "God-Strong" individual. I definitely suggest this book to anyone, not just mil-spouses, as it provides a lot of strong motivators for all of life's tough situations.

That night, J and M and I grabbed a pre-race meal and settled in early because Sunday morning was coming awfully early.

Sunday was race day! We were on the road to Myrtle Beach by 3:30am, and I really couldn't contain my excitement as I dozed off in the backseat (note: sarcasm). Thank GOD for J's hubby M, because without him, I don't know that either J or I would've ever made it to the race! He's such a trooper- chauffering us around the east coast so that we can go run our little hearts out. Thanks M! (He's also a great photographer, all race images are thanks to him!) Anyway, the race began at 7:00am, and we were ready to go!

This was at 6am, and it was about 45 degrees outside. Don't worry! We warmed up fast!

The race was awesome! 13.1 miles of scenic Myrtle Beach- we ran around the local mall and "Broadway at the Beach", and we also ran through a few residential districts. We finished right on the beach! It was a great final push to the finish line with the ocean breeze at our backs. The run itself was tough, but we finished! We're both one step closer to competing in the Miami Marathon in January 2011. The best part of the whole race- the medals!

Please excuse my hot-mess-express-ness, I think I get a pass considering.
After the race, we were about as tired as can be, so we headed home. The night was relaxing until I got a phone call from Romeo- he and his friends had been in an accident and were en route to the local hospital. Needless to say, despite my exhaustion, sleep did not come easy that night. But, that I will save for another post. The good news is that all who were involved in the accident are okay, and are just a little sore. Thank God.

All in all, I had a fantastic weekend. I spent time with some really wonderful people, and accomplished one of my life-goals. I learned a lot about myself and my own strength, both physically and spiritually. I'm looking forward to this weekend because I will be heading home to spend some much-needed time with my families.

I'm counting Saturday mornings

2010-10-23T11:11:00.002-04:00

That is my countdown method. I'm counting down Saturdays, I'm counting down trash days. I'm counting down mortgage payments, I'm counting down pay days. Every thing that there is to count, I'm counting. Grocery shopping days, breakfasts, laundry nights. Every single thing there is to count, I'm counting on. I'm counting on all of these things to keep me sane and to force the time to pass. And now, I'm just counting myself crazy.

There are so many compulsive comforts that we develop while we're waiting for something. Counting, excessive time consumption, landmarking moments. I don't know that it's healthy, often because those compulsive comforts carry over even after the waiting is over. Except once the waiting is over, the counting is exactly what does drive us mad. Counting down until the next time he leaves. Waiting for the next phone call or set of orders.

Spending time counting... what kind of life is that? Spending moment after moment counting down to something, and then once that something happens, a new countdown starts. It's an ugly cycle. But it is a comfortable and stable cycle, especially in a life of no stability. Counting is my security blanket.

When the missing sneak in

2010-10-21T09:10:00.002-04:00

Intriguing, right? I'm not talking about missing people. Well, actually, I am. Not "missing" as in missing-poster-face-on-a-milk-carton kind of missing, but the feeling of missing someone. And I'm talking about how it will creep up out of nowhere.

Somedays, it comes as a dull ache in your chest. Like someone has your heart in a vice, and is just ever-so-slowly turning the lever and closing tighter and tighter. The pressure builds and builds until you pop. Other days, it's like taking a bullet. It's fast and terribly painful and as quickly as it comes, it passes. Either way, it happens when it is least expected.

At times, I'm convinced that I'm losing my sanity. I could be putting dishes back in the cabinet and out of nowhere, I'm sobbing. All because I remembered the feeling of hating putting dishes away at my parent's house, and now, I would give anything to be standing in their kitchen. I was in the middle of a board meeting, and just like that, it was as if the hot-mess-express-train-of-agony just crashed into me, and I was fighting tears because of a ringtone. A RINGTONE! The pain lasts a few moments, and then it is gone as quickly as it came.

As the Queen of Composure (NOT!), I obviously have a million go-to-excuses for when these moments hit. Allergies are my favorite- it covers the cracking voice and the tearing eyes. Until I can train my free-willed emotions to control themselves, I will rely on my little white lies to get me through the day without people thinking I am an absolute basket-case.

It all comes and it goes. I'll have a few really great days, then a really not-good one. Then maybe just a few "okay" ones here and there. The whirlwind moments are what really get me. The sneak in and mess up your makeup, then leave without any ounce of remorse.

Those missings are awfully sneaky.

Day 6- Something I hope to NEVER have to do

2010-09-14T14:51:00.003-04:00

Day 5- My Bucket List

2010-09-14T10:36:00.002-04:00

1-Run a marathon
2-Visit Europe
3- Have a few babies
4- Go rock-climbing, on real rocks.
5- Sit on the beach for a full day and do NOTHING.
6- Retire
7- Cook Thanksgiving dinner
8- Mail an entire year's worth of birthday cards ON TIME.
9- Give a gift for no reason
10- Publish a book
11- Sing Karaoke
12- Fly a plane
13- Finish my degree
14- Make a speech in front of a crowd
15- OWN (And by OWN, I mean pay off) a home, or maybe 2.
16- Potty train Tank.
17- Scuba dive
18- Meet Jimmy Buffet
19- Renew our vows. ( I really like weddings!)
20- Sacrifice something for someone else.
21- Host a charity event
22- Be a Grandparent
23- Absorb all the wisdom I can from my parents.
24- Teach someone something
25- Build something
26- Cliff dive
27- Sky dive
28- See Alaska
29- Participate (and finish!) a triathlon
30- Prove that I meant "til death do us part".
31- Forgive
32- Pay off my student loans.
33- Coach my own children
34- Eat at a cafe in France
35- See Niagra Falls
36- Go snowboarding
37- Catch a REALLY BIG fish
38- Win a race
39- Try anything once.
40- Open water swim.
41- Visit all 50 states
42- Keep a CONSISTENT journal
43- Be a stay-at-home Mom
44- Go on a roadtrip
45- Learn to ballroom dance
46- Swear off fast food for a year
47- Plant a vegetable garden.
48- Actually grow something.
49- Get our entire home ORGANIZED. I mean REALLY organized.
50- Refinish a piece of furniture
51- Take a completely random class.
52- Spend an entire week without technology.
53- Beat Romeo in a video game. And not just because he let me win.
54- Visit Australia
55- Ease a broken heart
56- Inspire someone
57- Visit an impoverished country. Actually help.
58- Go to Disney World. Again. And Again. And Again.
59- Run a race while pregnant.
60- Run a race as a senior citizen
61- Go hunting. Get something.
62- Own a house on the beach.
63- Win the lottery.
64- Do a pull-up.
65- Do something I thought I could not.
66- Add a lot more things to this list =)

Day 4- Forgiving YOU

2010-09-13T22:15:00.003-04:00

As a preface, I will not explain the situation surrounding this particular post, because it is of a personal family matter. I will, though, share this letter with you.

To you.

How could you? How could you walk away from your family? Who gave you the right to abandon the people who love you when they needed you most? What did it feel like when you wrote your family of 30-years off?

To me, you are a coward. You ran when things were at rock bottom. You weren't there when you were needed. You didn't want to stick around and deal with the heartache, so you left and created even more pain for those who you left behind.

Now, to me, you aren't even a sliver of a man. You were, at one time, but no longer. You were once a great man. You were such a huge part of my life, and just as quickly as she passed- you were gone. And for what? For the thrill of giving some other woman your last name?

You are heartless. Soul-less. Selfish. You cared not for all of those you left behind. You vanished as quickly as you could. You're spineless.

Nonetheless, despite these bitter words, I do forgive you. I forgive you for running in fear and in heartache. I forgive you for burying your relationship with your family the day you buried your wife. I forgive you for being scared of how bad it hurt to lose her, and how painful it is to live with the memories.

I don't, however, forgive you for the pain you caused your children. Or for the vacancy you left your grandchildren. Or for the questions you left us all standing with. You wanted to run- and you did. You left what was once your family, standing in the dust. I'll never forgive you for that.

Day 3- Forgiving ME

2010-09-12T09:56:00.002-04:00

I've never been big on regrets, and I do my best to not have them, but at the same time, there are always things that we may have done a little bit differently.
I can honestly say- I don't think that there is some big event in my life that I feel the need to forgive myself for. Everything, in my life, has happened for a reason. That is very clear to me.

Nonetheless, there is an event that I would've done something different.

Quite a few years ago, I lost someone very special to me. She was way too young to be gone- but as they say- only the good die young. She was the most glamorous woman I knew. She was elegant and classy. She was quick-witted and poised. She was, and always will be, one of a kind.

Before she passed away, she was very sick. She suffered a lot. She lost all of her hair, she traded her beautiful clothes for hospital gowns.

All during this time, which only lasted about 4 and a half months from the date of her diagnosis to her death, I wasn't there. I stayed too busy to think about it. I remained way too interested in everything other than should've mattered. I missed it.

When she passed, I remember gathering pictures, shopping for appropriate funeral attire. And I remember being told that there would be an opportunity to speak at her service. I admit that I tried to write something, and I think in the end, I had something prepared. But I didn't read it. I fought back the urge to stand up and say what I needed to say. And to this day- I'd re-do it in a heartbeat. If I could go back today and had the opportunity to speak in memorial of one of God's most amazing women, I'd stand up and scream what I needed to say.

So since I didn't do it then- I'm going to do it now.

When I had a head-full of golden ringlets, she may have been all-but gentle with that comb, but her soothing hugs were more than enough to cure any number of tears. When she walked, though she may have just tripped over her own feet, she stood as tall and graceful as a statue. To me, you were a Queen who lived in a castle. But to God, you were the Angel that he needed. I know that you're already making heaven an even more beautiful place.

There will always be times that Mom and I will need you, and I know that you'll still be there when we call, though now we don't need the phone. I know that you were watching when I went to prom, when I graduated and went to college. I carried you with me down the aisle the day I said "I do". You watch Mikaela and Evie and send your love through them. You stand by Sean as he continues to grow. You give Mike and Shannon the strength to be such remarkable parents. There are so many moments that I would've loved to share with you, though when I think about it, you were there watching.

I miss you daily, and I know I'm not the only one. You have touched a lot of lives. I know that I wouldn't be who I am without having known you. I would've never known that beer-drinking could still be classy. Your wordless life lessons have stayed with me, and I can only hope that I can share those lessons with my Goddaughter some day. Thank you for being the woman you were, irreplaceable.

9/11/01- The perspective in retrospect

2010-09-12T08:37:00.009-04:00

I spent a lot of time thinking about this post yesterday. I thought about what to write, I relived those moments a few dozen times, I thought about how things have changed. Each year, my feelings are just a little bit different than the year prior. The anger remains, but the apathy is different. I feel like every year, I've been able to see a different sympathetic perspective.

A few years ago, a group of friends and I went to tour the FDNY. We were all studying in the Fire Science program at U of New Haven. This experience was truly a brand new perspective. We met with firefighters who lost 343 brothers that day. We saw their memorials, we even saw their tears. These men were fighting their own war here on our soil.

Mural at Engine 55

Mural at Engine 7

Accumulation of patches at St. Patrick's Cathedral

10 Truck en route passing Ground Zero

This experience opened my eyes to the struggles that ARE STILL HAPPENING. As the war in the Middle East continues to progress (despite what the media may coerce us to all believe), the families effected here, not only on the military side, continue to face difficulties.

343 Firefighters

23 NYPD officers

37 Port Authority Officers

2359 Civilians

184 People at the Pentagon

246 Passengers on the 4 planes

More than 3000 families lost a Mom or a Dad. A brother or a sister. An Aunt or Uncle. A daughter or a son.

3000 Families.

It amazes me that the days following September 11th, 2001 were some of the most patriotic, proud, somber and humbling in our nation's history.

Where has that gone?

As this nation continues to fight for our own freedom, where has that sense of pride gone? Where have all of the flags gone? The memorials? The patriotic music?
Now it is eclipsed by anti-war sentiments. By protesters. By people BUILDING MOSQUES ON GROUND ZERO. It's been surpassed by financial deficits.

If this picture isn't enough to make you angry, than this one should be.

God Bless America.

God Bless all that fight for her, both here and there.

And to all others- to those who cannot find it in your FREE hearts to support your nation,

If you cannot stand BEHIND our SOLDIERS, FIREFIGHTERS, or POLICE OFFICERS, feel free to STAND IN FRONT OF THEM!

Day 2- My Fav's

2010-09-12T07:39:00.002-04:00

Some people have "trademarks"- characteristics that make them easily identified in a crowd. Some people still have theses trademarks- but maybe they aren't so easy to see. Either way, every person has a unique combination of attributes that makes them exactly who they are. Or who they aren't.

Personally, I've always valued my sense of leadership. It has helped me get through really difficult obstacles and still remain true to what I believe. As my parents would attest, I've never been too keen on the idea of taking orders- thus is why Romeo is the one in the military, not me! I've always needed to find out things for myself, instead of taking someone's word for it. I've questioned a lot of ideas, which may or may not have been the appropriate thing to do, and often I've made my own discoveries. I've never wanted to live in someone's shadow, which is why I've worked so hard to be my own leader.

Physically speaking, I've got to say- my legs take the cake. I didn't get the nickname "Mega-legs" for nothing! The running helps- but I'm also genetically blessed. Thanks Mom and Dad!

I'm almost glad that post is over- I'm not very comfortable talking about myself like that. Nonetheless, it's part of the challenge, I guess.

Day 1- My Flaws

2010-09-11T08:06:00.002-04:00

Ok, I can honestly admit that I did indeed start this post yesterday... So in my mind, that counts.

Onto the purpose- I spent a considerable amount of time thinking about this post. Being the first of the 30-Day challenge, I wanted to start off giving this all of the effort that I could.
Flaws aren't anything that anyone ever wants to openly admit or discuss. Flaws, to me, are always that area that I spend time concealing, not sharing with the world. So this has proven to be quite the challenge.

Believe it or not, through my childhood and even until now, I've never really been a very independent person. When I was younger, I was always depending on my family to entertain me. I was tagging along with my brothers, or needing to have a friend to come over and play, otherwise I was a terribly bored, and often ornery kid. This has since continued to an extent. I still am not really content being alone. I've learned to adapt a bit, in that no longer do I need a girlfriend to go to the mall with, or someone to be spending every waking moment attached to. Though, there is an EXTREME difference (unfortunately for him) when Romeo is home. He is the one person that I will (for the lack of a better word) cling to. I hate that this is how I feel when he's here, but the sheer fact that we've only once spent more than a month together, I tend to suck up all of the time I can get. I know he feels it too... He feels like I am depending on him to entertain me, though that is certainly not my intention. I really just want to be with him. I'm more than happy just being with someone. Especially after months of being alone.

My best friend, N, will tell you, that I am way too quick to pass judgement. For the longest time, I fought with her about it. I thought she was outside of her mind. It wasn't until recently that I caught myself. I saw that ugly side that I had fought off for so long. I truly believe that I do not judge maliciously, but just to establish a ground. That may not make sense, but to me, it's moreorless a protective barrier. I judge to see who I can trust to open up to. And that, in retrospect, isn't the right thing to do. Who am I to judge? There is only one being that has the power to judge, and that is certainly not me.

Finally, my most predominant flaw, and the one that is the most frustrating, is the sheer fact that I cannot, no matter how hard I try, articulate my emotions. Romeo will tell you exactly how frustrating that is to listen to. I don't know what it is, but whenever I'm feeling something, I just cannot put into verbal words what that something is. I may know that I am upset, but not be able to pinpoint what exactly is upsetting me. I may be frustrated, but your guess is as good as mine what is truly frustrating me. I've gotten better with expressing my thoughts in writing. Usually, I can come up with some sort of a cohertant thought that way. But if I try just to spout out what I feel like during a conversation- whew. Good luck following that one.

Not that by any stretch of the imagination does that cover all of my flaws, but those are the ones I've concluded lately. They're flaws that make me- and sometimes they're flaws that will break me. I'm working on them, not that I want to change who I am, but I do want to be a better person. I guess that is what the next 29-days are for!

30-Day ME Challenge

2010-09-09T10:26:00.003-04:00

I've come to realize that every once in awhile, when life gets a little too chaotic, I forget to know me. I forget to think about what I feel like, forget to count my blessings, forget to work on my flaws. Every once in awhile, I have to revisit my goals and my dreams, because some days, I forget to think about them. Some days, the business of daily life is too much to include a few selfish daydreams. And that is why, when I stumbled on The Young Retiree's post about a 30-day blog challenge, I was hooked. The challenge encourages all participants to take a few moments, every day, for the next 30-days, to reflect on different facets of themselves, and in conclusion, hopefully learn something new.
So here it is- for the next 30-days, beginning on Friday, September 10th, and concluding on Saturday, October 9th, I'll be following the below posting schedule. I'm making a promise to myself to be completely honest. 100%. I'm making a vow to really reflect on me and my thoughts, without the fear of being judged by readers.

I'm doing this challenge for me.

And you're more than welcome to join me on my adventure!

I hope that this will provoke your thoughts as much as it has mine!

30-Day "ME" Challenge

(Please note that some prompts have been altered from the original)

Day 1-Something you dislike about yourself, or a flaw that you would change.

Day 2-Something that you treasure about yourself, something that makes you unique.

Day 3-Something you've had to forgive yourself for in the past, something you would change.

Day 4-Something you've had to forgive someone else for.

Day 5- A list of things you hope to accomplish in your lifetime.

Day 6- Something you hope to never have to do.

Day 7-Someone who has touched your life.

Day 8-A time when you have made a difference in someone else's life.

Day 9-One moment that you did not want to ever let go.

Day 10-One moment you wish that you could forget.

Day 11-Something people tend to compliment you about.

Day 12- Something you wish you got compliments about.

Day 13-A song that describes you today.

Day 14-A letter to someone who has let you down.

Day 15-List of somethings or someones that you couldn't live without.

Day 16-List of somethings or someones you could definitely live without.

Day 17-A book you've read that changed your perspective or opened your eyes.

Day 18-Your views on a popular news subject.

Day 19-Take a stand on religion. Or politics.

Day 20-Your thoughts on alcohol and drugs.

Day 21-What do you want people to remember about you?

Day 22-Something you wish you hadn't done.

Day 23-Something you wish you had done.

Day 24-Make a playlist to someone special.

Day 25-Map out your one-year-plan. Your five-year-plan. Your 10-year-plan.

Day 26-Write a letter to yourself as a teenager.

Day 27-Write a letter to someone you've lost.

Day 28-Pick someone close to you and tell them all of the reasons you value them.

Day 29- Write about a turning point in your life.

Day 30-Reflect on something you learned about yourself during the 30-Day Challenge.

My mind is already churning with thoughts for all of these posts. I am super excited to get started! I'm hoping that this will help keep my busy for the next 30-days- I need all of the busy-ness that I can get!

A little bit goes a loooong way.

2010-07-27T19:08:00.002-04:00

After spending this past weekend surrounded by military families, I must say that I am honored to be grouped with such an amazing group of people.

Mostly.

As in every event of our lives, there are people who will impress, and there are those who will well, not impress. I was fortunate enough to spend the weekend both.

Most (and I am going to stress MOST) MilFams are just like every other. Courteous, kind, friendly, respectful and dignified. They are open to conversation, and are as welcoming as an old friend. This, I must say, has been a great relief. I have felt like most of the MilFams are just like neighbors! Always willing to help, and definitely there when you need them most.

And then....

There are others.

Now, to avoid offense and conflict, I will preface with this:

I truly do my best to reserve judgement at all times. I try to keep my comments and looks in check, and I try to seek good in all people.

With this said, if this post is offensive to you, I apologize. If you disagree, please let me know! I am open to all new perspectives!

Nonetheless, after this weekend, I have spent a lot of time going over the events. If you are interested, you can read the summary of the Strong Bonds Retreat here.

When Romeo told me that we would be participating in the Retreat, I was very excited. I was also a bit apprehensive. When I was packing, I was extra careful in packing outfits that would be appropriate for spending time with the mixed company of Romeo's peers. I made sure that I did not pack anything too revealing, or too tight, or that I did not pack anything that would make Romeo embarrassed to be associated with me. I did all of this very purposefully, thinking that would be the appropriate thing to do.

And thank God that I did.

Upon our arrival, and at our first session on Friday night, I noticed some people were dressed to go out for the night. Obviously, that is fine. I get it. It's Friday night and we're in Myrtle Beach, it's completely normal to want to go out. Some people wore skirts or shorts, and some wore dresses. NBD.

The next morning, when we walked into the session, I glanced around and was APALLED. There were women walking around in micro-clothes. Yes, we are at a beach resort, but YOU ARE NOT ON THE BEACH. When I say micro-clothes, I'm talking tiny. Sundresses that if someone needed to bend down to pick something up, the whole world would've known who your bikini waxer was. Shorts that were so short, that I swear I don't know why someone would even bother to wear them. Shirts that were so tight, that I could've told you the bra designer from across the room. I was shocked that 1) any woman could walk past a mirror wearing these outfits, and still be wearing them, and 2) that any husband would be okay with his wife dressed like that in front of a room of other men! Now do not get me wrong, most women were dressed appropriately. It appears to be the few that have branded themselves in my mind that are haunting me still.

Next, as brought up in my last post here. there was a bit of open debate during the weekend sessions. Couples were truthfully and honestly calling each other out in front of this room full of people. And please understand, when I say calling out, I mean seriously "he said" "she said" nonsense. Now, I am about as far from perfect as physically possible, but I know better than to pick a fight, especially with the person that I sleep next to at night, in public. First of all, how childish can you possibly be? To not be a big enough person to confront an issue in private, that you need to create a spectacle in front of strangers? And second of all, is there ZERO respect or dignity?

I am not one to judge any one else's relationship, and honestly, some of the arguements that were brought up were truly familiar. In the same breath though, I don't even like sharing positive information with new people, let alone something as personal and private as a family conflict.

Finally, when Romeo comes home from the range, or the field, or just a long day at work, I half expect to hear him talk like a soldier. I expect it, but I certainly make it clear that I am not okay with hearing an expletive between every word. Ladies, what on earth has happened? I heard more women swear this past weekend, than I have heard EVER. LADIES do not speak like that! I will not apologize for shooting dirty looks when I hear someone curse. It makes me uncomfortable. I do my best to keep those words off of my tongue, and I certainly expect that other people, especially in mixed company, can have the common courtesy to do the same. Even worse though, is that it seems that the men in the group this weekend had NO problem keeping their foul mouths at bay, but it was the WOMEN who sounded ridiculous!

In summation of this rant, I know that this may seem to attack MilSpouse Wives, but I truly believe that there is a standard to uphold. Not just as a MilWife, but as a LADY! When did we stop having the self-respect to represent ourselves in a dignified fashion? When did we stop clothing ourselves in a tasteful way? When did we stop treating others with the common courtesy that they deserve? When did we allow ourselves to become so disrespectful to not only others, but to ourselves? And most of all, where has all of the class gone?

Not to get on a feministic tangent, but we have spent years and years trying to build a foundation for ourselves so that we can be respected as equals. How on earth can we expect to uphold that standard when we have no respect in ourselves? After spending time observing far-too-many women who are either dreadfully uninformed, or seriously lack pride, I feel as though we need to step up and be responsible for who we are representing ourselves as. Especially as a MilSpouse, we are a portrait of the people who stand behind our Soldiers.

What would you want that to look like?

Strong Bonds

2010-07-27T11:00:00.006-04:00

Last weekend, Romeo and I were fortunate enough to participate in one of the US Army's Strong Bonds Retreats.

Which, by the way, how awesome is it that the military will send families on all-inclusive mini-vacations?

Anyway, I digress. We were in lovely Myrtle Beach, SC at an awesome resort, and it was a BEAUTIFUL weekend. We were really blessed to be given this opportunity. At first, I was a bit skeptical of what the retreat really included, but once we arrived, I was fully reassured!! We checked into our suite,

(yes, I did say suite.)

that overlooked the beach,

(that's right, ocean view!)

and I took a moment to appreciate all of our blessings.

(see?)

Nonetheless, we headed down to dinner, where we met up with a lot of really fantastic people. We sat at a table with other couples, and just exchanged conversation about anything and everything. Things were really shaping up to seem not-so-bad! We played a few getting-to-know-you games, and then we were done for the night!

After that, most people parted ways, and some, like us, ended up at the hotel bar, and eventually left for a stroll on the beach. We knew that the schedule for the following days' activities began a bit early (breakfast at 7am!), so off to bed we went.

The following morning arrived far-too-quickly, but I couldn't help myself.

Hello, sunrise!

And as such, we began Day 1 of the Strong Bonds Retreat. The first session started at 9am. It was about coping with deployments, and life after a deployment. All-in-all, it was nice to hear that everyone shares similar emotions and concerns. It was at this point, that the lector had each of us write down one thing about our spouse that has changed since the deployment began. It took a minute for me to think, but I wrote down that I felt like Romeo has become more responsible and appreciative since he left for earthquake-land in January. Romeo said that he thought I was more independent.

Well... then, of course, the speaker circled the room searching for people to share what they had written down. No interest. She then dismissed the session for a short break. When we returned, she again asked for volunteers to share what they had written. Finally, there were people who were willing to speak. At first, the observations were all pretty positive. "He's more loving" "She's more understanding" "He's more patient with the children""She's a better cook".

And then...

Things began to get ugly.

I don't remember what comment it started with, but all of a sudden, the "changes" were not good. Even moreso, couples began, in a way, calling each other out IN FRONT OF EVERYONE IN THE ROOM! I whispered to Romeo asking if he felt that this was appropriate, and he said that if I stood up and called him out IN FRONT OF HIS PEERS, he'd be more than just a little upset. The microphone continued to go around the room, and the madness continued until finally, the speaker interveined.

The speaker seg-wayed into the next session, which, SURPRISE!! Was conflict resolution. Hmm... now how interesting could this get?

We went over a few techniques, all of which were valid, but not really realistic in a heated-argument setting. The speaker then was out to prove a point, so OH! Let's invite a couple to argue in front of this room full of people. BRILLIANT.

Much to my utmost surprise, and somewhat dismay, a couple ACTUALLY VOLUNTEERED. They pulled up two chairs in the center of this huge and completely populated conference room, and proceeded to duke it out. They started with finances, then led into their children, then into social habits, and into every little personal nook and canny of their relationship! They had officially just aired every piece of dirty laundry that they shared.

Oh good lord.

Now, let me make this known- I AM NO MODEL WIFE, to say the least, and my husband and I are VERY happy with our relationship, though I know it isn't perfect. BUT, to share the inner-workings of our love with a room full of other people who 1) are mostly strangers, but 2) are some of the people that the Soldiers in the room see every day at work, is a bit awkward!

Needless to say, the weekend had taken an interesting turn. After all of that madness, things settled down. We were dismissed for the day and were able to spend our time doing what we wanted. We went downtown to spend some quality time sightseeing. That night, when we got back to the resort, Romeo and I grabbed a couple drinks and hit the beach. We sat, just talking, and it was just wonderful. The day's events had provoked a lot of conversation, and it was nice to be able to discuss some things that we hadn't really thought to talk about before. The moonlight and the frozen drinks made the evening just that much more fun.

Sunday came, and was a lot more tame than the prior day. We talked about personalites, and the languages of love. Both of which turned out to be rather dry topics.

All-in-all, the weekend was a success. We spent a lot of quality time together, and got to relax a lot. Strong Bonds as a whole was informative, and definitely eye-opening. Romeo and I both agreed that we would participate again, and that it is absolutely a valuable resource of Army life.

For my fellow MilSpouses, if you get the opportunity, I would suggest participating in a weekend retreat. They're fun, informative, and FREE!! So why not?

Skype Dates

2010-07-22T16:00:00.001-04:00

Wing Night, BLOGGING, some reading are all on the agenda for this evening while Romeo is out playing GI Joe.

I'll be back later with something of substance

x0x

Super Excited!

2010-07-21T08:39:00.005-04:00

I am very excited that The Mrs. at Trying Our Best is hosting a fantastic giveaway!!

Her mother, the creator of bluebirdcrafting, has made some of the most adorable bags that are perfect for make-up, baby accessories, travel, jewelery and just about everything!

See?

So anyway, head over to see The Mrs. at Trying Our Best and participate in this awesome giveaway!!
This one is MY favorite.

Out of my slump

2010-07-19T12:16:00.002-04:00

Looking around, the house is a mess. The cabinets are empty. Dinner is not on the table. Laundry is piling up. The trashcan is full. The bed is not made. Yesterday's mail remains unopened and sitting on the counter.

And I am laying on the couch.

A million and a half things to do on my to-do list, and I don't have the desire or motivation to do any one of them.

Work is just work. After the news of my big promotion, in theory, now would be the time to be excited and enthusiastic about my workplace endeavors.

I'm not.

I don't even want to get up and go in the morning.

It's been days (possibly weeks) since my last good workout. I haven't really been running, lifting, or much of anything else. And hah... Romeo is starting to notice.

Welcome to my slump.

Anyway, all of this came to a bit of a peak last night. I can honestly say that I know I'm being overly-sensitive, and underly-active in any aspect of my life. I know that I need to step it up and get back into a routine and suck it up and stop being lazy. My slump is now not only effecting me, but Romeo as well. Nonetheless, my trip back up the hill to adulthood has begun.

Grr.

Oh what I would give...

2010-07-08T09:17:00.005-04:00

As I sit here slaving (and by slaving, I mean sitting at my desk and blogging) away at work, my wonderful family is basking in the beauty and excitement of the Jersey Shore.

I am glowing green with envy.

Look! You'll be jealous too!

Anyway, back to my being jealous and terribly envious of everyone else sitting in beach chairs, and me in an office chair....

I want to be in SIC!

Nonetheless, I am not. But, I have had some lovely evenings catching up on The Office with Romeo.

I really can't complain.

See?

Thanks to my Momma for the lovely SIC pics.

Fate

2010-07-02T10:01:00.004-04:00

Inspired by LMC at 'cause I don't know how it gets better than this, and her most intriguing blog post about fate, I've decided to make some of my own connections.

There is no such thing as accident; it is fate misnamed.

-Napoleon

Fate, an often arguable topic, is the concept of destiny mixed with a touch of preplanning. True to form, it usually is exactly what we did not expect.

And such is life.

After feeling somewhat euphorically reminiscent while reading another blog this morning, I crept back into my memory bank about a few particular conversations that Romeo and I have shared about our own coincidences, and how perhaps there is such thing as fate, or in a more enchanted fashion, meant-to-be.

Here is our story, full of our own moments that were just too perfect not to be fate:

The night Romeo and I met, was just before the holidays. I was at a holiday party with friends, when I received an invite to another event that same evening. At first, I kind of disregarded it. I wasn't really up for going to party #2, but I casually mentioned it to a friend, and she wanted to go. So off we went.
When we got to the second party, there was this guy (who happens to be Romeo), who at first glance, I immediately wrote off (shallow, I know). Tattoos, a flat-brimmed hat, partially sagging jeans, all-in-all, not my type. Spoiler alert!! Obviously, something must've happened to spark an interest!!
During that night, Romeo and I talked a bit, but the things ended rather abruptly. We never exchanged numbers or information. I moreorless chalked it up to a loss. That is until coincidentally enough, there was going to be another get-together with the same crowd the following night. (Win!)
The next night, Romeo was convinced that due to some conflicts the night prior, I wasn't entirely fond of him... Well, I was. After all of that drama was cleared up, we immediately exchanged information. Good thing, because shortly, and when I say shortly, I mean within seconds, that night also ended. Eek.
The following day, after a few hundred text messages, and a whole lot of belly-butterflies, we met up again. Something was happening.
Mind you, during all of this, Romeo was on the last few days of leave. He was set to head back to Fort Somewhere on the day after Christmas. We first met on 20 December. In my head, I'm thinking that this GI Joe was just interested in being friends for the last few days of his time at home. Guess I was wrong!!
We met up the next night at a local place, we grabbed a few drinks and then snuck away from our friends for a few moments alone. We sat outside by a fire and talked. It was here that Romeo told me that he was interested in pursuing this new thing between us even after he headed back to Fort Somewhere. Though I thought in my head that he was just saying that, I felt in my heart that there was certainly something there.
Following that, I met his family, and spent his last evening at home with him. Even though my heart was going a million miles a minute, I was still preparing myself to never hear from this guy again.
I fought my feelings for awhile, but after a few more hours together (and some liquid courage) I gave in and flat-out just told Romeo how I felt. I thought that I was in love. And then I thought I scared him away completely. Little did I know...
I didn't. The next morning, off he went on a plane to Fort Somewhere. The next evening, I had my first of many sweet voicemails. He missed me already =)
So that's that. After 5 days together, Romeo had my heart, a whole ocean away, and fortunately for us, he held on to it until we could be together again.
The next few months, we talked all of the time (which my cell phone bill surely reflected!) and turned our few days together into plans and a future. There were a few rough nights, but never once did either one of us feel anything but right. Even though some people thought we were being ridiculous in even pursuing a long-distance relationship after only knowing each other a short time, we proved them wrong and made it through.
Sometime later, there was a big, sparkly ring on my finger, and in just a few months, we were at the end of the aisle saying with a big white dress and quite the audience.

So that is our story. A huge puzzle of moments and events that fit together to create our fairy tale.

After that, how could I not believe in fate?

A real-life fairy tale

2010-07-02T08:03:00.004-04:00

For those who are fortunate enough to be able to witness a true happily-ever-after,

you understand what I mean when I say:

what a blessing.

Today, 33 years ago, a boy met a girl in her front yard.

Little did either know that day, 5 years later, they would become man and wife.

Nor did they know that 27 years after that,

they would have 3 (if I may say so myself, AWESOME) children,

and be counting the days down to retirement.

In today's world, a real-life fairy tale, with an honest-to-goodness happily-ever-after

is such a rarity.

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for being such role models for happiness.

You have given me such hope for what is to come.

I know, by watching you, that marriage is hard work.

I also know how important it is to be a team.

But most of all, I know how amazing it is to not just be in love, but to stay in love with your best friend.

Thank you for being so strong for each other (and for us) through the tough times.

And thank you for sharing all of the wonderful memories that you two have made through the years.

To me, you two are living proof that happily-ever-after truly does exist,

and that even in real-life, fairy tales do come true.

Thank you for your perseverance, your patience, your hope, your prayers

and most of all, your love.

Here's to 27 more!

The Monster

2010-07-01T08:27:00.004-04:00

Meet Calymonster.

She's a bit of a demon.
She's also the sweetest thing.

See what I mean?

The Versatile Blogger Award!

2010-06-30T11:52:00.003-04:00

Thank you so much to Ines at The Few, The Proud, The Wife for awarding me with:

Award!

Thank you!!

The rules of this award are:

Thank the person who gave you the award!
Share 7 things about yourself
Nominate 15 newly-discovered blogs that you think are fantastic!
Let each one of your nominees know about the award!

7 things about me

I am terribly awful when it comes to horror movies. I usually spend the majority, if not the entire movie hiding my eyes.
I love to bake. It is my guilty pleasure. My waist is usually the one to pay for my obsession, but it is usually so worth it!
I am a relatively new resident of NC. So far, it is growing on me. Romeo and i just bought our first home! We're so excited!
Blogging started for me when Romeo was deployed. It has been my sanity and my place to vent. Thank you all for listening to it all!!
I love love LOVE country music.
Fall is my favorite season because I love to watch the leaves change. Moreso, I love football.
Romeo and I have been married for 6 months now. Unfortunately, 5 and a half of those 6 months were spent apart. We're working on getting back to being newlyweds again =)

I am going to pass this award on to:

Jackie at exposed brick.
Carrie at Carrie Goes to Kilimanjaro
Elise at notes.
The Mrs. at Trying Our Best
Amber at The Survival Guide for The Young, Fabulous & Newlywed
Sam at Sam and her Soldier
Mateya at Our Journey from Iraq to the Altar
Birdie at No Model Lady
JG at Me and My SoldierMan
Noel at Issued to a Soldier
Nittani at Finding my way into Army life
MrsThomas at Being a Better Wife
A Lady in Waiting at A True Long Distance Relationship
Amber at Goodnight moon!
Brooklet at Life and Times of a Displaced Jersey Girl

Congratulations to all of the nominees!!

Back into wife life....

2010-06-30T10:01:00.002-04:00

Amidst the time that Romeo spent in earthquake-land, I had gotten wife-life down pretty well.

or so I thought.

I had become accustomed to keeping house, cooking (somewhat), cleaning, decorating, laundering, and so on and so forth. I figured I was on the path to Betty Crocker's Housewife of the Year.

or not.

So Romeo arrived from home from earthquake-land, and my housewife-ing skills slowly deteriorated. As the days went by, the dishes began to pile up, the laundry was out of control and the house was just in shambles.

humphhh.

Now, we have embarked on our next journey- home ownership.

scary business.

And I see our pending move to be a refreshing possibility. New home, new rooms to organize and decorate, and a new opportunity to start over and work on being a better wife.

not that I think I am a bad wife.

I just know that I could be better.

Like today for instance, I have managed to ruin yet ANOTHER pair of Romeo's ACU's.

Note to self: Check pockets. Thoroughly.

I lost the laundry battle to a black-ink ballpoint pen.

See, every day is a new lesson on how to be better.

Now I'm going to make a list.

Things I've learned about (Army) wife-life:

Don't bombard with questions about his day as soon as he walks in the door. If something truly exciting or awful happened, he would have called. Otherwise, allow breathing room.
Don't wash ACU's without checking pockets. Thoroughly.
Do not begin dinner until after you KNOW he is on his way home, if you start too early, prepare for cold food and disappointment.
Clean. A lot. Often. Expect it to never be done. Don't put it off. Things will just get worse.
Plan catch-up days. You'll need them.
When stuck for recipe ideas, stick to simplicity. Basics never fail.
Make lists.
Don't get mad when the phone rings in the middle of dinner, or in the middle of a movie, or in the middle of the night. He's not happy about it either, believe me.
Expect to need to wash PT's at 10pm. And expect them to need to be dry by 4:45am. Expect to have to wait up to move them from the washer to the dryer.
NEVER, and I mean NEVER, let him crawl back into bed before he leaves for work. You both WILL fall back to sleep and he WILL be late and it WILL be your fault for not waking him up.
Also, NEVER wake him up any earlier than necessary. This will create a very unhappy GI Joe.
Have some kind of breakfast/snack on-the-go available. He'll want it.
Expect houseguests. Possibly multiple.
HAVE AN OUTLET. Something for you to do BY YOURSELF (or with girlfriends). I run, and believe me, it is the savior of my sanity.
DON'T RELY ON HIM TO ENTERTAIN YOU. It's tough moving to a new place and not having friends, but FIND SOME. It will be a blessing to both of you. There's no worse feeling for you to expect him to be home at night to hang out, and then he's working late or out with the guys. And its no better for him to know you're around waiting for him. BE SOCIAL.
Always be prepared to have to go fax paperwork at 9:30pm. (Thank you, J)
Always be prepared to need to take Class-A uniforms to the dry-cleaners at 9:30pm. AND have them ready for formation the following day.
Even though he may not always say it, GI Joe loves you completely.
You may be at your wits-end, but it is all SO worth it. Always remember that at least he's there to drive you crazy, and not half way around the world.
Finally, no matter what, no matter how awful you may be a doing laundry or organizing or cooking of whatever, he'll always love you anyway!

And despite the tough parts, I'm thankful for ALL of the lessons I've learned thus far!

Sometimes this life is bittersweet...

2010-06-18T10:57:00.002-04:00

Life as an Army Wife is one that most of the time, only an Army Wife could understand. Today, its one that I hope everyone, especially those who this post is geared towards, will be able to put into perspective.

My days (180 to be exact!!) that have been spent married to the US Military, have been the greatest learning experience of my life. Each day has brought a new eye-opening moment, or a life lesson that I'll carry with me. There have been so many new tidbits of information and advice, and even more new questions that have prospered out of these past 6 months. Each day brought a new challenge, and in turn, a new lesson learned. Nonetheless, I can say that the woman I was this day, 6-months ago, would see who I am today and be proud. I'm really thankful for that.

Sometimes, though, the lessons that life as an Army Wife may teach you, are not the ones that you ever wanted to learn. Honestly, I never wanted to learn what it was like to say goodbye to Romeo for months at a time. I really didn't want to know how it felt to not see my friends on a regular basis. Most of all, I didn't ever want to learn to miss out on the lives of our families. But whether I like it or not, I'm learning.

Today, K and K (our younger siblings) are graduating from High School. We are so proud of them. Each one has grown into a truly remarkable young adult, and they both have such great potential in life. We are so blessed to have such amazing families, and we are so thankful for each and every person in our lives. This often makes it so much more difficult to miss out on these monumental events. We would have loved to be there to congratulate you in person, but sometimes, the Army dictates otherwise.

To KA-

You have worked so hard to be where you are today. Honestly, the road from here is harder, but we have no doubt that you will be successful in the endeavors that you pursue. You are kind, and caring and generous and there is no doubt that just being the beautiful person that you are will take you far in life. You are such a gift to us. Thank you for being who you are, and please know that we want no less that everything for you. Congratulations!! Enjoy your day and your celebrations, you have earned them!!

To KH-

The young man that you have grown into astonishes me. Your personality and smile is infectious, and your future is so bright. You have so many open doors in front of you, and I cannot wait to see which one you choose. You will be great at anything you decide to pursue, but please promise that you'll never lose sight of being "Happy Jack" and the truly amazing person that you are. We are so proud, and we know that this is only the beginning for you!! We can't wait to see where your life will take you!

We love you both and are so proud of who you are.

We wish we could be there to share today with you,

but please know that you are in our thoughts, and we're there in spirit!!

Congratulations to the Class of 2010!!

Love,

Romeo & Juliet & Calymonster

I don't think that it will ever get easier to miss these things, but one fact is true, we will most certainly appreciate the moments that we do have with our families. The most meaningful lesson that I have learned throughout my Life as an Army Wife, is that the moment you stop truly appreciating something, it will be gone. Whether it is by deployment, or move or something else, it will be gone.

Even if it doesn't get any easier,

I'll still be thankful for the lessons learned.

My GI Joe is...

2010-05-27T10:07:00.003-04:00

Thank you to Amber over at The Survival Guide for the Young, Fabulous and Newlywed for the inspiration of this post. It may be a bit different, but you'll see the pattern.

My GI Joe is my late-night-snack PIC. He's the one who whispers "Go get the chips and dip" ever so convincingly. He makes breaking my diet oh-so-worth-it.

My GI Joe is my support trellis. When I'm crumbling from stress or exhaustion or whatever other nonsense life throws, he's there to hold me up. Even from miles and miles away.

My GI Joe is my Channing Tatum, Mel Gibson, Josh Hartnett, entire A-Team, and every other war-movie character, all mixed into one handsome, charming, loving, ACU-wearing hero.

My GI Joe is a sunny day, in the Jeep with the top down, a song in which we can sing every word, and a hand to hold over the center console.

My GI Joe is undeniable in uniform. No, really. U N D E N I A B L E.

My GI Joe is a cozy pair of sweatpants and an old sweater, cuddled up in the corner of the couch, with a Harry Potter marathon and the cutest CalyMonster in the entire world.

My GI Joe is my shoulder to lean on when I fall asleep at the movies.

My GI Joe is my hero. My best friend. And the one man that I live to wake up next to. When the Army lets me, anyway.

Most of all, My GI Joe is mine. All mine. Lucky me <3

the update

2010-05-27T07:58:00.003-04:00

It's been awhile...

again.

I know.

Nonetheless, amongst my MIA-ness, I have been terribly distracted by keeping myself distracted- because....

ROMEO COMES HOME IN 5 DAYS!!

Therefore, my mind has been wrapped around a whole ton of excitement and a glorious array or to-do lists.

Whew.

I'll be so happy when this is all over and he's here and we're back to (normal) married life. I almost feel like none of it ever happened. I feel like when he was here and we were together, I was like a dream. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to re-making my dreams into a reality.

Funny story though, as forementioned, I am currently engrossed in a MASSIVE to-do list. Normal things like cleaning and laundry and whatnot, but then I am also trying to re-adjust my life to pre-earthquake-ridden-country-deployment. As silly as it sounds, Romeo and I share a closet, and I must say, in his absence, I may or may not have taken it over entirely. So now I am struggling to remember where everything was before he left and how things were situated. Who would've known how much of a difference 6 months could make? Closet aside, there are so many other things that I am slowly, but surely, working to adjust. My morning routine, for instance, has been down-to-the-minute (I'm a little OC) and I know once Romeo meanders back from the island, things won't be just so. I'm trying to prepare as best as I can for EVERYTHING to change again. How does one prepare for that? I'm doing my best to learn NOT to get set in any way, but at the same time, I need a little bit of stability. And now, with my own pending "earthquake", how can I get ready for so many things to change again?

I guess I shall soon find out....

Running has been going FANTASTICALLY. J and I are OFFICIALLY prepared. It is a wonderful feeling, but I'm feeling an impending addiction kicking in- we're already planning the next race! It's a great thing, of course, but yet another commitment on the horizon. Oh well. I love it and am having the time of my life preparing. I can't wait for race day!! (2 weeks tomorrow!!) We've also been hitting the pool a lot lately, which has served as awesome cross-training, and a great way to really stretch out during laps. The best part about all of this has been the twice-a-day opportunity to get out of the house, work out, and make time go by just-that-much faster.

Other than that, I've just been doing everything possible to keep the clock moving. Every morning is a great feeling because it is one step closer. And every night is hopeful because it is one more day completed.

Soon enough.

I'll be sure to do my best to keep the updates coming!

Running into a whole new time-consumer

2010-05-19T11:31:00.003-04:00

Well hello!

I know, I know...

it has been forever...

But now I will explain why!!

Ok, so as of late, I have been running, running, running like crazy!! My favorite Miami-ian (J) and I are up to doing 2-a-day workouts and seeing TREMENDOUS progress. Starting cold at the beginning of May, both of us weren't sure we were going to make it to Race Day successfully, but now, J and I are more confident then ever, and heading towards Race Day, one mile at a time!

Now, I must say, I'm not sure either one of us would be this dedicated to our training if we had our lovely Romeo's at home, but since it is just us and our girls:

(They're besties)(And adorable)

... we've been a bit more inclined to do ANYTHING to be out of the house. We're both patiently awaiting a plane from Haiti, and hopefully it will be here soon!! (I'm not sure my patience could withstand yet ANOTHER extension)

So, as our countdown to Race Day gets shorter and shorter, the runs get longer and longer, and I must say, it feels great to be so close to our goal. I also know that if it hadn't been for mutual motivation (Thank you so much, J!!) I couldn't have come nearly as far as I have. Having a running partner is not only a huge benefit safety-wise, but it also keeps your mind moving as quickly as your feet, and the conversations DEFINITELY help the long-runs go by. As for the other benefits of running, not only am I sleeping better at night, curbing my appetite, hydrating appropriately, and feeling stronger, watching the inches dwindle right down to bikini-size is wonderful. So, between now and Race Day, I am hoping to maintain, if not exceed my motivation, and hopefully be more than successful on June 11th.

Other than that, all is well. We are not-so-patiently awaiting a homecoming from Haiti. Hopefully (fingers-crossed) we'll be celebrating come June 1st. We shall see..... But between now and then, I'll be a busy girl.

And I'm SUPER thankful for that.

From the Not-Always-So-Silent Ranks...

2010-05-07T10:14:00.004-04:00

Happy Military Spouses Appreciation Day!

Now how to celebrate....

Send yourself flowers!

(or just go buy some!)

Treat yourself to a spa day!

(Even if it is in your own home)

Indulge in a decadent dessert!

(Ben & Jerry's!)

And know that we're all VERY lucky to have our very own GI Joe!

(That one is mine.)

Thank you to all of the Military Spouses who offer kind words of wisdom and experience!

The support network that each and every one of you provide is truly a blessing!

Thanks! And Happy MSA Day!

the age of communication

2010-05-02T10:29:00.002-04:00

To preface this appropriately, I must begin by saying how thankful I am for modern technology. The internet, cell phones, webcams, digital photos and so on and so forth, are all AMAZING additions to our daily lives. But as it seems, everything has its own consequence, and as such, communication technology has taken every excuse we have to be unreachable.

Sunday morning paper, browsing current events, coupon clippers, and the military section. Amidst another not-so-great day (Why have they been so prevalent lately?) I stumbled across an entire section written for me. First, the article titled Living with Superman written by the acclaimed author of Operation Marriage and fellow Army wife, Rebekah Sanderlin. Sanderlin explains the struggles of living with a superhero. The man who can do ANYTHING he puts his mind to, and how being his wife, and a competitor, often can be a really proud challenge. Now in contrast, Sanderlin's husband up and decided to run a marathon. The night before the race. Without training. All I can say to that is WOW. Now I have no doubt that if Romeo wanted it badly enough, he'd do it too. At the same time, I also know that Romeo can't rationalize running unless it was for his life, so I'm not too terribly concerned about a spontaneous marathon. Either way, spending everyday knowing that your man is a super superhero is a proud event, even if secretly, you'll do everything in your might to keep up.

Next article, entitled An Open Letter to a New Army Wife may have been titled "Dear Meg, READ ME". Brenna Berger, of Home Front, thank you. Thank you for prefacing your article as follows:

I'm sorry to hear that your new husband deployed

much sooner than you had hoped. You didn't get the

luxury of gingerly testing the waters of military life.

Instead, you have found yourself standing on the high

dive with no other choice but to jump right into the deep

end of the pool.

Hah. Oh hello best friend! Have you been spying on my life? How is it that you can read me like a book? Ohhhh, what is that you say? That nearly every new Army wife has to send her man off sooner than she had hoped? That anytime he leaves is too soon? Exactly.

Nonetheless, the article goes on with tips and tricks of the trade to passing the time. SUCCESSFULLY.

Some included dealing with the bad days as you see fit. There is no one procedure that we all must follow. Next, surround yourself with friends. THANK GOD for them. (Thanks ladies!!) And also, remove the excess drama from your life. You don't need it. You have enough.

Mostly though, the tip that I hadn't heard before, and the one that stuck out the most, is called the "Commo Check", and this is the one that has me thinking.

According to Berger, the Commo Check is a nod to the old "Don't go to bed angry." The updated version is "Never send an email/text angry."

Oh, I get it now.

And this is where the age of communication comes in.

I've had a lot (and by a lot, I mean just way more than usual) of bad days lately. The tears, and upset, you know the type. Anyway, as it would seem, Romeo has a sixth sense about these things, and with that, he always seems to call during break-down time. Now don't get me wrong, when he does call, hearing his voice makes things better, but the fact that he's hearing the tears is not what I want. He's been hearing the weakness, and I know that it makes things so much harder for him.

On a rather warm and humid run/jog/walk with friend yesterday, we got to talking about letters. About how letters just seem so much more personal than a phone call or an email, or a text. He touched the letter you're reading. That same exact piece of paper was in his hands, and now it is in yours. There is a connection so much stronger there than through a wire or a signal. Not saying that the same message couldn't be conveyed, but the attachment is just a little bit stronger.

AND

Who ever fought through a letter?

Modern technology is a blessing, but the sum of all of the parts of this post is this: When it is a bad day, a letter, you can walk away from until you're feeling better. A phone call, unless you're strong enough to watch it go to voicemail, you can't walk away from. And as soon as you pick up that phone, if he's anything like Romeo, he'll know exactly what you're thinking before you can come up with the words yourself. There's no hiding. And even moreso, when you're upset, or worse, mad, about something, it is way too easy to pick up the phone, start typing, or start yelling into a webcam about whatever nonsense you're worked up about. Everyone is too reachable.

Romeo, if you're reading this, I AM NOT saying don't call. PLEASE CALL. Like I mentioned, THANK GOD for modern technology. What I am saying is this: Forgive me for my moments of weakness. Forgive me for showing you the bad days. Not that I was trying to hide them, but I would've rather you known about them when you come home, instead of while you're still there and can't see that I am okay. Because I AM OKAY. I can be a baby sometimes, and unfortunately, you've now gotten to see that. I'm sorry for that, because you've got enough to worry about. Please know that I AM FINE and that I appreciate your honesty. It is part of the reason why I love who you are so much. Don't stop being you because I'm being a big baby. It was just a bad day.

The conclusion of all of this is that being able to talk all the time is wonderful. It can be a great comfort. Just make sure you communicate wisely, and TRY to have it all together. Not saying to be dishonest or hide things, but rationalize yourself first. Observe the perspectives, and make sure you're saying what you mean. Don't convey something that you don't want to, and don't lead the other end of the conversation into thinking something different. Be strong for each other, and don't forget that despite the distance, you're still in it together.

when teamwork becomes and individual sport

2010-04-26T12:33:00.003-04:00

I've learned lately that there is a fine line between being independent and disregarding others. It seems that all too often, what seems as taking initiative in one person's mind comes off as ignorant to others.

oh the learning.

As I'm sure everyone can relate, there are times in life when your "team" may be incapable of "teamwork." Be it distance, preoccupation, lack of interest, or just merely missing the opportunity, there are always going to be times where we are required to do things on our own. Apparently, these situations some times seem to last longer than others.

well hello, deployment.

As a somewhat pride-full and self-proclaimed "independent woman" (nod to Beyonce), I've got to tell you, my independence is on-point. Still, that fine line between being competent and being stubborn is a bit gray. I learned this, and now I'm doing my best to find exactly where the line lies.

After a few combative and somewhat-epic conversations, I've come to the conclusion that when part of a team, it is TRULY important that each member of the team, though an individual, knows that they are important to the overall success of the group. They need to know that regardless of their circumstance, they ARE STILL NEEDED, despite what perhaps some "independents" may think. As part of a team, or in this particular case, a brand new family, both partners need to take into consideration the other's thoughts, ideas, and plans. And even moreso, as an inevitably-forever-kind-of-team, its is important to make sure that all of those elements are in the open, and on the same page.

ahh... learning the hard way.

Throughout this stupid-Haiti time, my independence has risen to an all-time high, and that line... yeah... crossed it far too many times for Romeo to like. I, somewhere along the line, forgot that I was part of a team. I may have even lost sight of being a "we". Well, I'd like to take this time to thank Romeo for reminding me. And for letting me know that, despite my now feeling AWFUL about it, amidst the being strong and occasionally pulling some extra weight (not literally, I promise!!), it is important to remember that there's always going to be another teammate to help you along.

So, from now on, this independent woman will remember that life is a team sport.

reminders

2010-04-25T20:24:00.002-04:00

There are a million and one moments in life that are little post-it notes. May be an event, wonderful or traumatic. Might be a statement, or an image. Could be a word, a story, a movie, a thought. Either way, these reminders seem to come exactly when we've forgotten about whatever they seem to remind us of. From my particular corner of the big comfy couch, my hypothetical post-it notes seems to have "be thankful" written all over them.
This week especially, the reminders are at every turn.

The week started with a miracle, one I can only attribute to Angels. Two of the most precious of God's gifts were in a terrifying accident. Their vehicle flipped over, and the two sweetest girls in the world walked away, without a scratch.

Reminder #1:

Wake up each morning, and count every blessing.

You never know when they might disappear.

The same day, The Big Guy decided to call one of his own home. I didn't know her personally, but I know that she raised a wonderful, beautiful, amazing daughter. This daughter is amidst (and has been for 2 years) planning her wedding, one fit for the magnificent person that she is.

Reminder #2:

Every person, in life, is there for a reason.

Tell them as often as possible what it means that they're there.

Someday, unexpectedly or not, you may not get another chance.

Romeo and I had a rough week. Eventful, yes, and stressful. Distance alone is tension enough, and when it came to our first true conflict, it only seemed to magnify the issues.

Reminder #3:

Fight fair.

Sticks and stones and blah blah blah,

but words CAN cut like daggers.

Be careful about with what you say, and choose your statements wisely.

Appreciate what the other side of the arguement is, and understand that if it wasn't worth hearing, it wouldn't be an arguement.

Most of all, always respect. There are certain things that cannot be replaced.

The post-it notes always have a way of resurfacing. One way or another, you'll always find it stuck to something else. Often when you least expect it. When you forgot about it. When whatever was written on it has finally slipped your mind. Metaphorically and all.

Life notes.

2010-04-09T07:57:00.002-04:00

Borrowed from my brillant, and recently Californian cousin, here are my little love notes.

Dear North Carolina,
I would like to thank you for your beautiful weather, March tan-lines, and lack of cold. BUT I would really appreciate it if you would keep your pollen situation under control.

Dear Caly,
I love you ridiculously, but if you continue to jump the fence, I am going to begin questioning our relationship. Also, I'm sorry to inform you this way, but at some point, you are going to need to begin sleeping in your kennel. Whenever that father of yours comes home, I don't think he's going to be to fond of giving up his spot in bed for you.

Dear US Army,
I am very proud of you and ALL of your Soldiers, but can I have mine back now? Please? I promise I'll take care of him!

Dear NJ and Family,
I miss you all terribly. Please come visit me soon. But fly. Please fly. For your sanity.

Dear Yard and Weeds,
Please stop growing! Please? Life was so much easier when the thought of a lawnmower wasn't remotely present.

Dear Romeo,
I know, I know, I know. You are miserable. You should be. But PLEASE try to be optimistic for the next couple weeks. When you're not happy, the days drag on and on. Find something to be happy about. Things could be much worse. I love you, and I'm rooting for you to come home yesterday. Please smile, and be confident that it will all be over soon.

Dear Me,
Be patient. Be kind. Be open-minded. Be strong.

Love,
Megster

Nothing in the whole wide world...

2010-03-24T09:35:00.002-04:00

Like a happy girl!

Just a brief note of endless thanks

to EVERYONE in my life who has been

so BEYOND loving and supportive

throughout everything!

Please know that I love and APPRECIATE you

all more than you can imagine!

Thank you for all of your love and support,

prayers and kind words,

and MOST OF ALL

Thank you for being who YOU ARE!

You are an AMAZING person

who has brought sunshine to me, among others, I am sure.

You know the right words to say

to span the miles between

in order to bring an smile or a laugh.

Thank you for that!

I love you all!

Dear Monday, Why do you hate me so much?

2010-03-22T11:34:00.003-04:00

Amidst the typical chaos of every Monday, the routine of rollover-reset-snooze was just like any other. Ms. Caly didn't want to get out of bed, nor did she want Mom to, so she layed sprawled out across my back. It's nice to know that even my PIC agrees that everyone should just stay in bed today. Finally after coercing her cute little paws off of me, and after hitting the snooze button about a dozen times, it was time to get up or there was no way I was going to be to work on time.
So Caly and I ventured onto our typical morning things. She reluctantly headed outside in the rain, and I brewed my AM-caffeine-kick. We ate breakfast, got dressed and ready and said our typical see-ya-laters.
As I walked out the front door, despite the gray skies and bone-chilling wind, I was content. Even though it was a rainy, miserable Monday, it was still going to be a good day, and a great start to what should be a promising week.

Until

I turned on my car, started cruising down the road, and began listening to the everyday chatter of the radio hosts. But today, the normal chatter wasn't. It was all about Healthcare Reform. Painful. So, I flipped some channels, and to no avail, ended up iPod-ing my way to work.

Until

I turned onto ALL-AMERICAN parkway (keep in mind the name-reference irony) to find protesters. And, come on. Not just any protesters. Not about Healthcare reform at all, but of THE WAR. Now, just to give you all a visual, ALL-AMERICAN parkway runs directly into FORT BRAGG. You know, the ARMY BASE. And thousands, and yes, I mean THOUSANDS of Soldiers travel that road EVERY DAY. So I can imagine that I wasn't the only one seriously considering hitting them with my car. (How smart can they be to be standing on the side of the road?) Either way, I was a bit perturbed, but still determine to have a great Monday, and an AWESOME week.

Until

As I pulled into the parking lot, and started gathering the things in my car, with the iPod still playing, what could song would come on but, oh, you guessed it! Our song. Not the Taylor Swift version (though it is adorable and terribly catchy) but I mean OUR song. You know, that Romeo guy and mine. Now, my morning thus far, though challenged at some points, was still on the route to greatness. But now, just with a few bars of that certain song, my Monday has officially taken a wrong-turn into the ghetto of awful Mondays.

So now, I'm bitter and self-loathing and no longer determined to have a great Monday. I'm determined to go home, and cuddle with Caly and cry a whole lot.

Today is stupid.

Typically, I try to be motivational. I try to see bright sides and all that nonsense. But today, I'm not. I'm unhappy and grumpy will probably continue to be until Tuesday. Maybe not even tomorrow-Tuesday. At this rate, it may not be until next-week-Tuesday that I'll be a happy camper. All because of that song.

Yes. Silly right? A song? After all of the things that would typically ruin a Monday, that I did not allow, I'm allowing a simple song to destroy my day? Yes. I do what I want.

I miss Romeo. And I miss hearing songs and smiling. I miss having someone's hand to hold, or someone to bring you a drink when you're super-comfy on the couch. I miss having someone to complain about bad Mondays to, or someone to enjoy cold beer with on the back deck.

He'll be home someday, and hopefully soon. But until then, I'm going to miss him and all the things about having him here. And I'm allowed to. I'm not going to sulk and be a walk-ing zombie all the time, but I don't have to be happy. There's a HUGE part of my life missing right now, and if I want to be sad or mad or hurt or angry about it. I will. And if I want give dirty looks to happy couples, I can do that too. But I know someday, and hopefully soon, there's going to be another wife out there in my shoes giving me dirty looks. Someone who is sad or mad or hurt or angry because there is a huge part of her life missing. I'll just pray that hers comes back soon too. And I'll pray for those wives whose Romeo's won't come back, that the dirty looks and tears and the anger DO make them feel better. There isn't a more frustrating feeling in the world than having a bad Monday and needing a hug or just someone to yell with, and no one around to help you out.

So the next time I hear that song, it might throw me into hysterics, or it might make me smile. I'm hoping for the latter. Until then though, I'm going to purposely avoid "shuffle".

Hello? Springtime? Are you there?

2010-03-17T09:22:00.003-04:00

With springtime supposedly days away, I can't help but to see the new perspective that the renewal season always seems to bring. New life, clean house, an appreciation for the outdoors, and hmmm.... what was the other thing?

Oh yeah...

Love.

Mmhmm. And with a deep breath and a sigh.... Love. I think we've all got lots of it... Lots of butterflies in the belly, tons of affection and hugs and kisses, mountains of "I love you's" to mutter. And fortunately (or unfortunately, depending?) for her, Calymonster is smothered daily with love and affection because, well, Romeo isn't here to share in the love (literally).

Frustrating.

There are lots of other things to do though, I mean I'll be able to plant some flowers in the next few weeks. Enjoy long runs without all of the layers. Maybe even earn myself some tanlines. But honestly, as much as solitude can be refreshing on occasion, constant seclusion is really wearing on my thoughts. Last blog, I mentioned how having some of my FAVORITE crazy ladies over for the weekend was just what I needed, well I'll tell ya, a house full of noise was a wonderful change. I'm trying to make due, but the empty echoes of the iHome blasting leaves much to be desired. I go outside and its birds chirping and dogs barking and leaves rustling and there is so much beautiful chaos on the outside, yet such stillness inside the house. And thats ironic, because in theory, that would make quite the metaphor, but it is just the opposite. On the exterior of my world, everything is still, and quiet. Its routine and strong and calm. On the inside, its a million thoughts and ideas swirling, its broken and frustrated and there is this dull stress at every corner.

I keep looking for something fulfilling to just resolve this numb turmoil, but theres nothing yet. Like I said, I had a WONDERFUL weekend with Thelma and Louise and Nicole, and while the weekend was here, the numbness subsided slightly, but as soon as the house was quiet again, it was back. And honestly, now it is worse than ever.

Before, when Romeo was here, I thought I just looked forward to him getting out of work and coming home and sitting down for dinner and watching stupid movies. But now, I just look forward to him being there. Knowing that if for some reason, I drop the ball, that there is someone else to pick it up. Or if I don't feel well, theres someone to go to the store and get medicine or milk and bread even. At first, when he left, there were a whole lot of things that I didn't miss. The shirts and socks on the floor. The muddy boots and the wet clothes in the car. The endless dishes in the sink and uniform shirts to be washed. The yelling throughout the house at the TV screen and COD. But now, if washing endless amounts of dishes and shirts and socks meant that the house wouldn't be quiet anymore, I'd take it all without hesitation.

So, now with springtime rapidly approaching, I'm going to take the time to prepare for the (hopefully) upcoming chaos. With Easter baskets in tow, I will have everything ready for Romeo's arrival, whenever that may be.

Until then, bring on the flowers, the sunshine and the frozen drinks.

It has been quite awhile!

2010-03-16T10:22:00.001-04:00

And things are still moving along.

Romeo is still on the crazy island. Hopefully not for too much longer. He keeps dropping hints at dates, and let me tell you, that has become the most irritating thing in the entire world. One day its 2 weeks. Then its a week. Then its 3 weeks. Then its a month. There is a VERY obvious reason that they do not release information to the public until the last minute. I'm slowly driving myself insane trying to get the house ready, but at the same time, not trying to do too much because it may be awhile before he's here. Ughh. The headaches.

I had some of my FAVORITE ladies as houseguests this weekend and it was a BLAST! Sometimes company is exactly what you need to get out of a slump.

There were great times:

There were LOTS of laughs:

Quite a bit of silliness:

Some hard work:

And a wonderful finished product:

Thanks to the love and support of these lovely ladies,

our weekend was more than a success.

It was exactly what I needed to get over the

missing-Romeo-blues.

Sometimes, when things are a bit gray,

all we need is a little sunshine,

or a goofy face from my favorite CalyMonsterFace:

Even though sending Thelma and Louise off on their journey home (complete with a few-hour detour to the airport bar), is bittersweet, it is always worth the time we get to spend together.

Nicole wins the award for most dedicated by driving almost 20 hours (Good Lord!!) round-trip to participate in the weekend.

The valuable lesson I learned this weekend, is no matter how many miles there may be between here and there, if you have friends and family in your life who really love and care, you'll all make it work. And fortunately, it seems to work out just in time.

Love you all!

whew...

2010-02-26T11:03:00.004-05:00

Not to be rude,

but Mother Nature is a wench.

Thanks for ruining my life.(and thank you Renee for letting me borrow your picture!)

To Thelma and Louise,

Things may have worked out this way because rumor has it,

the weather is supposed to be kind of chilly this weekend,

so if you wait and come down in a few weeks,

I may be able to arrange some 70-degree sunshine to meet up with you.

Smile, and don't worry,

we'll all find our smiles soon.

Love you all.

and in addition...

2010-02-24T10:55:00.003-05:00

So, coincidentally as it may seem, as I published the last blog, the phone rang and to my delightful surprise, it was that lovely Romeo. It makes my day to be able to talk to him. I mean to be honest, even when he was here, it would make my day when he would come home from work, so now, the equivalent, is hearing his voice.

Romeo isn't having a great time in that quake-ridden land. He's not too happy of a Soldier right now. Which, as I am sure we can all sympathize, is partly due to the fact that as the days go on, and other companies continue to make their way back home, Romeo and his unit remain unmoving. Think about being on a plane and landing at the airport. As you get off, everyone is greeting their families and heading on to their destinations. You're looking around and waiting for your friends or family, but as everyone else begins to dissipate into the crowd, you're just waiting. And waiting. And looking around. And waiting. With no sign or inclination as to when your group will be there to bring you home. Welcome to Haiti.

Anyway, on top of the impatience, and the frustration of limited missions, and maximum down(boredom)-time, now, Romeo isn't even going to recieve the letters or packages or anything else that was en route to bring a smile to that handsome face of his. I must say, I'm going to take the blame on that one. I had a package ready and assembled, but just kept getting side-tracked on my way to the post office. Once I finally got there, the very grumpy mailwoman informed me that I should not expect the package to be recieved in any less than 30 days due to the back-up of postal items on their way to the island. Bad news to the ears of the girl who just made cookies and bought some semi-perishable items to send, in hopes of making someone's day a bit better. So I had to take all of the food-like items out of the package. Now, I have this half-filled box of stuff to be sent South, but now I'm not even sure it's worth sending if its going to take more than 30 days. Honestly, I was kind of hoping to have Romeo back here before then?

Needless to say, I'm winning the World's-Worst-Wife award for missing the ball on sending things to my deprived Soldier. Fail.

So what do we do? When we've got miserable, cranky, dirty, smelly Soldiers and can't even think of any more words to say to make them feel better? Letting them vent is great and all, but isn't that more frustrating when after they're all done their rant, there isn't anything you can say to make it better? I don't know how many more times I can say

"You'll be home soon."

before even I get sick of hearing it as an excuse? Because after awhile, it doesn't work as a bandaid anymore. It doesn't do anything to help the hurt or frustration or anything else. So what is left? I can pray and tell him to pray and ask others to pray all I want, but as for that moment, the moment where the anger and animosity in his voice is too much, what do we do? How do I make that go away? Even worse is as I am frustrated with myself for not being able to do anything about it, I'm frustrated for Romeo because there isn't anything he can do either! And at least as I am frustrated, I'm frustrated with hot showers and clean clothes and food that doesn't come in brown plastic sacks. Romeo is stuck being miserable and frustrated in a place without sufficient running water, let alone HOT running water, the place where undershirts and socks go days being worn without being washed. And that place where a cot, inside a tent, on top of sandy ground is "home".

So... here we are. Still frustrated. Still stuck between a rock and a hard place with nothing to do but wait. You know, love is about the knowing that someone, no matter the circumstances, will always have your back. I know, no matter what, that Romeo would do anything for me. I can't help but fear that even just for a second, he's questioned that in me. I really would do anything, but how do I do anything when I can't figure out the anything to do? If I could find the words or a hint at what to do to make things better, believe me, I'd do it in a heartbeat. It's just that right now, I am so helpless in my quest to be helpful. And that, is a terrible feeling.

my team

2010-02-24T09:17:00.003-05:00

So as the days pass, I've been accumulating a list of things that are becoming more and more frustrating without Romeo around.

The list is growing ever so quickly nowadays that I have begun household projects.

So, here goes.

Spaghetti sauce jars. My family witnessed this mayhem live via webcam. Oh, its ugly.

Caly's early morning bathroom trips... It was much easier to roll over and say

"Its your turn, I did it yesterday"

Than it is to have to do it regardless.

Grocery shopping.

When Romeo was around, the house was stocked because God forbid it wasn't...

Now, I'm lucky if there is even bread or milk at all.

And not because I can't go get it or anything, but I can do without...

So why buy it?

I call this the "Deployment Diet Plan"

Taking the trash out.

I don't mean from the kitchen the the outside can.

I mean getting all dressed up for work in the morning, warming up the car

then realizing it is trash day and having to drag the cans

to the end of the driveway in 4-inch stilleto heels.

Warming the car up. Enough said.

Morning breath.

I've got to say, anything is better than Caly's.

Pumping flipping gas.

That was in the marriage contract.

I'm not supposed to be doing things like that.

I'm from Jersey!

WE DON'T PUMP GAS!

WE PUMP FISTS!

whew.

Having pretty days.

Now girls, honestly, lets not lie here...

How frustrating is it to be having a really pretty day,

and no one around to notice?

Ughh.

Quiet.

Now I know that a day will come that I will kick myself for saying that this is frustrating,

but...

Without hearing someone screaming at their Xbox, or singing to their rubber duckies in the tub,

the days are far too quiet and un-entertaining.

Where is the fun in driving if you can't argue over the radio station?

By far, the worst everrrrr is at night,

when your feet are cold...

there are no other legs or feet to hide them under to warm them up.

Just cruel.

There is no excuse to eat Fritos and Ranch chip dip at 10 pm.

Please come back soon.

Most of all,

when it has just been one of those days.

or its rainy outside.

or sunny outside.

or for just no reason at all,

when all you want is the biggest hug in the world,

you settle for a pillow.

The list grows daily, but for now, these are the ones that stick out.

Funny how those silly little things become so big when theres no one to share them with.

Just further proves

life is a team sport.

the calling

2010-02-22T09:46:00.002-05:00

So yesterday, sitting in church, discussion arose regarding some of the Big-Man-Upstairs' blessings. Someway or another, we've all been blessed at some point.

I mean, we're alive, so there begins blessing numero uno.

We all wake up every day (hopefully?) and fall asleep at some point during the night.

We somehow manage to be clothed in public (also hopefully.) and we grab a bite to eat every now and again.

All made possible by The Holy One.

So what else are we blessed with?

Character

Intelligence

Poise

The abilty to stand upright

(and not drag knuckles (hopefully))

Family

Friends

Sunshine

Rain

The earth

Our homes

There are quite a few more, but my time to blog at work is just so limited.

And talent.

Yep, thats right. Each and every one of us has a talent. Or a gift. Something special that we were blessed with, that we are especially skilled.

Could be writing. Reading. Speaking. Could be drawing. Or could be a character trait that is particularly prominent in ourselves. Compassion. Humor. Warmth. You may be the best hop-scotcher in the world. Maybe you bake the best pineapple-upside down cake EVER. Or you give really great hugs. Maybe you're a born-educator. Or a learner. Maybe you have a lot of natural wisdom, or just a gracious amount of common sense. Maybe you're a singer, or a member of the Olympic bobsled team. Whatever it is, its yours and you're really good at it.

But what if you haven't found it yet? Who knows what we're really good at? It could be something so simple. You may just have a really great smile, and you don't even know it. Nonetheless, God gave it to you.

Now, back on track with the blessings here. So if we are all lucky enough to be blessed with a different talent, in theory, doesn't that make us, as a whole, a really talented group of people? I mean just saying, but if we were all kind enough to share our little sliver of awesome-ness, doesn't that mean we'd always have the most skilled craftsman (or woman) of something there to help us out? Isn't that a little reassuring? Knowing that you have the best of something helping you with your something that you aren't the best at? Think about it.

The challenge during the discussion at church yesterday was this:

Find your talent, and use it to benefit the Kingdom or God.

Because if your talent goes untapped, and is eventually wasted,

then we are robbing the Kingdom of what would've been

the best of something.

If your talent remains hidden, and in the shadows of the things we're all just okay at, we're robbing the world of what could-have-been.

So I'm going to pass this challenge to you.

What is your blessing?

What is the gift that God gave you?

And once you figure it out,

What now?

How will you use it?

Now, lets parallel this to our everyday. Army wives, this one is headed your way. We spend our time supporting. And lets face it, as a whole, we're all really good at that. But if we could all contribute our slice of greatness towards the whole, wouldn't that make us all completely great? Say if one of us is really great at organizing, and then one if us is a really great baker, and then another one of us is an awesome speaker, and another one is a talented writer, and someone else is has really great methods of persuasion. Before you know it, a charity event to raise money for our Soldiers was not only just organized, but funded by donations, advertised and complete with baked goods to boot. If we could all just contribute our talent, "us" as a whole would be able to accomplish anything.

So on the parallel, here is my challenge to you:

Go out of your way to share your talent.

Just stand up, offer your resource, and encourage others to do the same.

Before long, anything you can put your minds and TALENTS to will be yours.

For everyone else.

Find your talent.

And hey, if you already have yours, feel free to let someone know whats theirs may be.

Because I know if anyone else is like me, you have nooo idea what your gift might be.

So find your talent and then share it.

Do something to benefit the world around you.

Don't let such a precious blessing go to waste because you were to scared or too blind to share it.

And be thankful for it, because Someone thought you were important enough to hold such an important treasure.

I believe... in inspiration

2010-02-16T09:47:00.002-05:00

(this post was inspired a the wonderful, BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, lovely woman who you can learn a bit more about here. )

I believe..... in inspiration.

I believe that no matter where you are, there is something worth thinking about.

I believe that great days are like God's way of metaphorically sending you flowers. Sometimes not metaphorically either.

I believe bad days are God's way of making us appreciate the good ones.

I believe that music is the parallel to dreaming. Where else can we verbalize the nonsense of our thoughts so clearly?

I believe that a long run in the rain is the fastest way to gain perspective. There really isn't time for details when you're soaking wet and out of breath.

Junk food is the key to euphoria. Also to nausea.

I believe a day in the company of people who are truly good, will cause you to spend a little more time in front of the mirror.

Grandparents are human story books. Read them as often as possible, each time you'll find a new detail to admire.

Clean sheets and a rainy Saturday are the cure to any wrong.

I believe that new places, old towns or hidden trails are Fate's way of turning us all into explorers.

In conversation, when all of a sudden you feel that urge to interject with opinion, stop. Resist the urge, and just listen. We don't learn anything from hearing ourselves talk. Just listen.

I believe that parents really do have the toughest job on earth. Especially because it takes us kids so long to realize that.

I believe that the Bible answers all questions. Not the entire Book, just Matthew 19:26

(with God, all things are possible.)

I believe that the smell of coffee far out-ranks the actual taste.

I believe in Frank Sinatra, and that "....the best is yet to come."

I believe in Disney movies.

in heartache.

in what it feels like to truly miss someone.

I believe in those moments, the ones that define us. The ones you replay over and over in your head.

I believe in forgiveness, but not regret.

I believe that garden strawberries in July are God's favorite food too.

I believe that the sound of a baby laughing can turn even the worst of days into better ones.

I believe that dance parties are necessary to daily routine.

I believe that stick figures do count as art.

I believe that love is the gateway to all things. Anything you were ever scared to do alone becomes possible because you have a hand to hold.

I believe in trust, because...

"The truth is, everybody is going to hurt you.

You just gotta find the ones who

are worth suffering for."

-Bob Marley

Most of all, I believe in one love. True love.

Our love.

I believe in all of these as inspiration and guidance.

And I believe in being thankful for it all. Everyday.

everyone's someone

2010-02-14T16:30:00.002-05:00

someone told me that everyone has their someone. just that someone that no matter what, it always leads back to them.

I believe that.

I believe that somewhere on our paths, is that person.

and sometimes, our paths take us away from them,

but no matter what,

when it comes down to it,

its always back to them.

and that is how we know what is meant to be.

sometimes, we're blessed enough to have someones. not necessarily the someone, but just someones. someone to laugh with. someone to call to cry. someone to get all your good jokes from. someone to confide in. someone to share recipes with. someone to find favorite music with. and each one of those someones are a blessing.

so today is love day.

that day to have a special someone.

and of course, thats an amazing experience.

but it is also a day to appreciate all of your other someones too.

so thank them.

and let them know how much they mean to you,

and how much their someone-isms.

love day is a designated 24-hours to be extra-nice and sweet and romantic. and it's refreshing. but at the same time, why do we need an excuse to spread extra love? if we give enough love on a regular basis, why do we need a designated holiday?

separated in love day is not fun,

but at the same time, i'd rather have him be a million miles away

then not have him at all.

today is just another Sunday,

and another day to be thankful for our blessings.

and I am thankful for all of my someones

but especially thankful for my one someone.

even if he is a million miles away.

"Love give me strength, and strength will help me through."

-W. Shakespeare

Romeo & Juliet

beautiful things

2010-02-11T09:18:00.002-05:00

Romeo called last night to tell me about his day. He was so excited, and I could hear it in his voice. It's always adorable when he gets like that... he turns into a 5 year old who just got his first hit at a t-ball game. It really is cute.
Anyway, the boys and he have become a bit more productive with their time. Down the road a few miles, they venture to a local orphanage. Dozens of children of all ages are reside there, and are BEYOND excited when the soldiers come to visit. They play soccer and run around spend time with these children who now not only don't have families, but now also don't have a country or government to support them.
Romeo says that the children, especially his new friend Melvin, just make all of the stress of being there worth it. They don't pester the men for water. They don't curse them off or make inappropriate gestures when there just isn't food to give. They hug and scream with excitement and run and play. These children, who are far more worse off than many of the other Haitians, seem uneffected by what is going on, and hold on to the pure joy of waking up to a new day.

What a blessing. To see happiness despite the destruction and struggle.

The way to make these childrens' day the best one yet? Bring candy. Bring anything. Just visit. If we all learned to live our lives to appreciate the simplicity of things, we could never be unhappy.

Terrible things happen every day, but miracles do too.

Deal with the bad, but live for the good.

So today, Romeo is fixing a basketball net. Simple as that. But by doing so, he'll make some number of orphaned children very happy. Isn't that what it all comes down to?

We live our lives so concerned with succeeding.

These children are living their lives so content.

Difference?

We worry. They just live.

For me, now knowing that Romeo is doing something that he really loves, I am inspired. I'm inspired to be more like that, and to learn from the example of children. It isn't often in our busy-body society that we stop to appreciate gestures. I'm going to do that from now on.

"While we try to teach our children about life,

Our children teach us what life is all about."

-A. Schwindt

just enough nonsense finally.

2010-02-09T00:29:00.003-05:00

So tonight, amidst my newly-routine nocturnal cleaning, as I reorganized the closet, I found Romeo's wedding band.

Ouch.

Not ouch because he isn't wearing it, or because it's here and he's there, but because I stay up and clean so that I don't lay in bed and think. And now, even while I'm cleaning, I can't avoid thinking because there is a small jewelers box staring at me from across the room.

So now I'm thinking, and as per an earlier conversation with Romeo, I'm thinking about all the coincidences (or God-things) that happen to lead up to a fairy tale. Now, as a newlywed, I know I'm probably extra sappy about these things, but I believe in everyone's Cinderella story. And as I have been abruptly reminded by that little wedding band, I also believe in all of the little meant-to-be's that lead up to our big meant-to-be.

Throughout our lives, people walk in and out. Some linger a little longer, and some may leave deep footprints on our hearts. But each and every one of them are a stone that lines the path to where, or to whom, we're headed. We learn with each interaction, whether friendly or not, that of which details are going to point us in the direction we need to go.

Some people are lucky enough to find their own puzzle-piece from day one. The high-school sweethearts, or the childhood best friends. Those pairings are so rare, but so pure and beautiful. The rest of us need a little more time to find our own Prince (or Princess) in shining armour. And before we get to that point, I think all of us can agree that we need to meet a few frogs first. But as it seems, it's those frogs that force us to learn our own selves. We learn what we're compatible with, or what really makes us happy versus what we thought would make us happy.

Then one day, it just happens. In my case, it was when I least expected it. Romeo came out of nowhere, and just like that, I just knew God made him for me. He was the absolute, and I mean ABSOLUTE opposite of anything I would've guessed I'd be so in love with. He wasn't me in guy-form, like I was used to. He was the puzzle-piece that lifted up my every fault and completed my every dream. He was made for me, and as dramatic and theatrical as it may seem, it was then that I knew I was made for him, too.

Romeo and I are so very blessed, but that's certainly not to say that we haven't worked hard to ensure our relationship endured our trials. Some so petty, as to be just enough nonsense, and some so challenging, like an entire ocean. Nonetheless, God blessed us with the strength to endure it all, and that, is not one of those coincidences. That's part of the meant-to-be. All of those past frogs may have been a glimpse in our lives for a reason, but they also didn't remain in the picture because in the end, it wasn't part of where our coincidences were headed.

Meant-to-be love is like the world. It never stops. It will never halt growth or change. But no matter what, as long as it remains God's will, it will never cease to exist. It's always there, sometimes it just takes a few more God-things to find out exactly where, or who, it may be leading us to.

footprints

2010-02-08T10:07:00.002-05:00

As any military family must learn quickly, we never stay in one place too long. If we're lucky,(or in some cases, really unlucky) we may be at a station 4 or 5 years max. Sometimes, we may only be in a place for a few months to a year. Either way, you must adjust quickly to the idea of shallow roots.
With the constant moving around, comes the pros and cons. As military families, we are very blessed.

Some families never leave their hometowns.

We get to experience all different homes with all different cultures throughout the country, sometimes the world.

New faces, new friends, new far-away families.

Each and every place we go brings a whole new wealth of experiences.

We move as a family unit.

Whether its just the two of us, or there are 5 or 6 along for the ride,

we move together, and with that, we grow together.

Something you don't like about your home?

Its okay! You'll start over with a new one in a few years!

There are plenty of ways to maintain a positive outlook about moving around. As long as we stay optimistic, and view it all as an exciting new adventure, the stress won't weigh us down. But we also need to remain realistic, and note the possible issues that arise from being a constant rolling stone.

Our extended families typically remain in one place.

Being away from them, though hard, can be made easier by means of effective communication.

Phone calls, greeting cards, SKYPE, are all wonderful.

Sometimes there is a feeling of living out of a suitcase CONSTANTLY.

Make sure when you get to a new place, do little things to make it your own for awhile.

You don't have to remodel, but hang pictures or plant a garden.

Sadly, it is often that our friendships are temporary.

One person or the other is always leaving eventually.

Do your best to keep in touch.

You never know when you may run in to an old friend.

Packing and unpacking.

Need I say more?

Keep important things, but try not to accumulate too much.

And take transfers for exactly what they are worth.... Clean out!

New places mean new worries.

There isn't anything worse than pulling into your new community and not knowing where you are.

Take an opportunity, family in tow, to explore and learn your new area.

Find the police station, the post office, the library, a local park, the closest grocery store, a church, schools, and ALL important places on post.

Important places on base include:

The hospital, doctor's offices, the Commissary, any AAFES location, the finance office, your sponsor's unit location, CYSS (if you have children), DEERS ID office, among MANY others.

Mailing address changes... EEK!

What a pain... but there are ways to make it easier on yourself.

If you are lucky enough to have your next address before you leave your current one, do yourself a favor and submit a "change of address" to your local post office. This will help ease your worries if you think your sensitive documents may be sent to your old home by mistake.

Also, keep a list of all credit cards, bank accounts, subscriptions, memberships or other bills. This will make your life sooooo much easier when it comes time to start making the phone calls to submit your new address. You won't need to worry about what you may have forgotten.

These are just a few circumstances that arise when you live the life of an Army wife. But despite all of the moving around and shallow roots, there isn't any reason not to participate in your current community. Why should you miss out on being involved? And why should your community miss out on your contributions? I'm not saying go run for Mayor or anything, I mean I guess you could....

Anyway...

become involved in a church,

coach a little-league team,

join a book club,

volunteer,

sign your children up for the local play production,

take a dance class,

go to neighborhood watch meetings

BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FRG

meet some friends, maybe have a play date or a girls night out

plan a benefit, or a charity drive

go to a local municipal meeting

There are a ton of things you can do in your community that don't require a binding commitment. Most military communities EXPECT members to come and go. Becoming involved is a way to give your family a normal experience. Closing yourselves off from others will not only make you all miserable, but what would you be doing to leave an impact?

Our soldiers' job is to help and make a difference. Our job, as families, it to follow that example. As difficult as it may be to up and leave and start over again, God blesses us with a whole new community to make a difference in, and all new lives to touch. Don't pass up the opportunity.

"Lives of great people all remind us that we can make our own lives sublime.

And, departing, leave behind us footprints on the sands of time."

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

nightdreams and daymares

2010-02-07T22:31:00.003-05:00

i want to wake up and find it all has been a bad dream.
hear the alarm in the morning,
and wake up to find him next to me.

but then there's reality.
and when the fog of dreamland finally clears,
and i realize i'm still by myself,
i know that chances are
Romeo is out there somewhere...
wishing the same exact thing.

so each time I lay my head to rest,
I pray that God can bless us both with a bit of a fairy tale
for our dreams, that is.
because the pain of facing reality in the daylight
is so worth the glimpse of our love story during the night.

therapy

2010-02-05T23:31:00.002-05:00

so Romeo and I keep journals to eachother.

rather, I keep a journal to Romeo.

before he left, he told me to write down how I felt while he was gone, and then when he got back, he could read what I wrote and know what I went through while he wasn't here.

needless to say, Romeo's journal is slowly filling the larger half of a notebook,

and he's only been gone 2 weeks.

it has been wonderful, because every time during the day that he and I would normally have a conversation exchange, I write.

I write how my day is going,

how Caly is,

how I feel at any particular moment,

and my thoughts.

Most importantly though, I write about him.

I write about what I think he could possibly be adventuring out to do.

About what he may be thinking,

or maybe how he's feeling.

I write about how much I care,

and how proud of him I am.

Sometimes I write how frustrated I am,

or how I wish he was just here for a hug.

I write when something is funny that I think he'll appreciate.

I write when I cry about missing him.

I write when I lay in bed at night and think about him.

I write when I wake up from a dream.

All those times when I would normally talk to him, and even some of the times that I wouldn't, I write to him.

Obviously, this is why my notebook to him is nearly full after 2 weeks.

Nonetheless,

this is my therapy.

I've come to the conclusion that everyone needs their own outlet. Some people clean. Some write. Some bake. Some draw. Some run. Some read. Some drink. Some pray. Some scream. Some eat. Some just breathe.

I have a lot of outlets.

The best therapy for me has been writing, though. Words somehow seem to organize my thoughts. Even when I can't figure out exactly how I feel, I start to write, and somehow it all works itself out. Thank you, God, for that. Otherwise, I would be certainly a mess.

I believe that when life is throwing curve balls, you have to take a second to watch. Not necessarily watch the ball fly by, but watch it before it's time to swing. Life happens fast, yes, but a brief moment in time to connect your actions with your thoughts is what we all need once in awhile. We all know how it feels to live a day on autopilot. You wake up, go about your normal routine, do the things you need to do, then go to bed without ever taking a chance to think about your life that day. If we all took a half-hour, or 10 minutes, or even 30 seconds to stop and analyze a moment, we wouldn't ever reach a breaking point. How often do we really take the opportunity to count our blessings? Or think about how it feels to live our own lives? Maybe to realize how far we've come or how much we've grown? Or maybe just to take a second to appreciate love? The love we give... The love we receive... It all becomes clear when we just take a moment to slow down and give our mind a chance to catch up with our body.

Our lives happen everyday, so quickly.

I think if we don't take the chance to be an audience to our own existence,

who will?

believing in what you fight for.

2010-02-04T09:52:00.005-05:00

So everyone has their own pet-peeves. Some are a little more ridiculous than others. I'll admit, I have a few silly ones of my own...

Poor grammar. It's like nails on a chalkboard.

Pants that are too short.

Chewing with the mouth open.

Crooked bumper stickers. If its going to be on there forever... It better be straight.

Dirty fingernails. Ew.

Coffee breath. Hello... Gum, anyone?

Scattered papers. Stack them neatly!

Ok, so I admit, I have my compulsions, but there are a few things that I feel strongly about, that I don't think anyone can argue. (I mean, I'm sure someone can, but seriously?)

This morning on the radio, on my way to work, the discussion was about a particular NC Councilman, (cough Ed Robinson cough look him up cough), who is calling for the US Justice Department to investigate a police-officer-involved shooting. The details of this shooting are as follows:

Antoine James (suspect) was shot 3 times by Florence County Officer Alex Ussery. James alledgedly attempted to run the officer over during a vehicle stop. Ussery's report states that he stopped James' vehicle after witnessing his vehicle street racing another vehicle. As Officer Ussery approached the vehicle, James began to drive the vehicle toward the Officer. Officer Ussery then shot James 3 times. James was injured and admitted to a local hospital where he was treated, released, then released from police custody on bail.

Mhmm. So now, not only is this attempted killer out on bail, but Councilman Robinson is fighting to "uphold justice for the suspect." And that, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the elected representatives in our great nation.

So in the car this morning, I was listening to people call in and voice their opinions, which everyone is entitled to, obviously. So here is mine.

Our Police Officers, Firefighters, Medical Teams, and Soldiers

GIVE EVERYDAY OF THEIR LIVES TO OTHER PEOPLE.

Not one of the above listed heroes gets their own life.

They spend their days protecting, saving and sacrificing for the American People,

and yet,

there are still cowardly, selfish, irresponsible fools out in America

who try to take the lives of these heroes.

And even worse than that, is there are representatives in this country who

SIDE WITH THOSE POOR EXCUSES FOR AMERICANS!

I support Officer Ussery. I support every Officer who has ever felt threatened enough to need to pull their weapon, let alone, need to use it.

These HEROES give EVERYTHING for us.

Its our turn to give something back.

OUR SUPPORT.

As for our Soldiers, our Firefighters, and every other HERO out there...

If you can't stand behind them and give your support,

STAND IN FRONT.

Try doing their job or living their life for ONE DAY.

These men and women all have special places in heaven waiting for them.

God sees the good in them and their sacrifices,

and regardless of what happens here,

it all comes down to His judgement.

Live your life THANKFUL knowing that you can sleep soundly at night. Knowing that you can speak words that you want to say.

To Officer Ussery, and EVERY OTHER HERO,

Know that you have a whole nation behind you. Know that even if some politician wants to question your judgement, the rest of us don't.

WE SUPPORT YOU.

and

WE'RE THANKFUL FOR YOU AND ALL THAT YOU DO.

EVERYDAY.

PS-In case anyone is interested, here is the link to the news release:

http://www.wmbfnews.com/global/story.asp?S=11929792

be secure

2010-02-03T10:59:00.002-05:00

its the little things during our days that give us comfort.

could be a pillow.

or a picture.

or a cup of tea.

or a security system.

There are a lot or things during our days that also make us uneasy.

bad weather.

a sore throat.

the news in general.

or just a feeling.

Throughout our daily existences, we go through these experiences in brief moments, for if we were to take a second to slow down and see them for what they are, our simple comforts may become less secure, and our small worries may overwhelm us.

This week has been a blessing.

Oh, it has already had its share of obstacles.

But nonetheless, it has been a gift.

And it's only Wednesday.

But I know, if I've made it

this far, through the ups and the downs,

I've already succeeded.

This week.

The beauty of our hard times, is that someday, even if it is just for a split second, things get better.

And then when that split second comes, we feel it, and all of a sudden, we can accomplish

anything.

All because of hard times.

Without hard times, we'll never know how it feels to have good times.

And there will always be a consciousness of how much it may hurt to fall.

After this week, thus far, this blessing, I know it'll hurt to struggle and be angry and frustrated and confused and upset all at the same time.

But I learned how good it feels to work through it, and find faith, and in the end, despite how much it hurts to fall, it feels great to stand up again.

Stay strong and keep faith.

Everything else will follow.

expect your days to be long and weary.

2010-01-31T22:26:00.004-05:00

that way you'll never be disappointed.

expect each moment to provide a different perspective on life.

know that on a whim, its ok to suddenly feel whirl-winded.

but know that this too, shall pass.

In this life, we experience such an enormous spectrum of thoughts,

and it is in our reaction to said thoughts

that our moments are determined.

We all have our times,

when in a blink,

or in the tick of a clock,

our days are upside down.

We can be energetic and happy,

and just like that, there may be anger

or tears.

It's good to feel a little backwards once in awhile.

To get lost in your own box of thoughts.

I think thats how we get to understand ourselves.

I'm certainly not saying to go

banish yourself to solitary confinement

to get to know yourself...

But learn to gauge your own reactions.

Grab that metaphorical mirror,

and watch yourself go through the ups and downs.

You'll see the happy you.

The one you were the day your world was completely upright and just right.

You'll see the pretending-to-be-happy you.

The one you are when you have the energy to put on a happy face.

And you'll see the broken you.

The one you are when things are just upside down.

Each one of these people represents your character,

and each one is a part of you.

Each one is our reaction to our own thoughts,

in our own perspective.

Expect your days to be long and weary.

Expect the pain to be the most excrutiating thing you can imagine.

Expect it to last forever.

Then know it is a blessing when it doesn't.

Our lives are all in our own perspective.

If we can see it all in a blessed light,

then our bad days are only half bad,

because we have faith to share our burden.

And even better, our good days

are filled with extra joy,

because we have love right there with us.

prepare for the worst, but hope for the best

always have faith

in what is meant to be.

thank god.

2010-01-30T12:07:00.003-05:00

18 years ago today, a little human was born.

He was small, and sleepy.

He cried a lot, and threw up a lot more.

He was kind of goofy looking at first, but he's grown up a lot now.

And now, he's 18.

And remarkable.

He's not funny, he's can't-stop-yourself-from-laughing hilarious.

He's an artist in his thoughts and creativity.

He does what is right, even if his brother or sister threatens his life.

He cares.

Even though he won't admit it, he'll cry at his sister's wedding.

He's handsome and charming.

And he's someone I am so proud to call my family.

Kev, even though I wanted a you to be a girl, I thank God because he didn't just give me a brother.

He gave me a friend.

And a confidante.

And a partner in conspiring against Kyle, or Mom and Dad.

And someone to throw the baseball around with.

And someone to eat everything I bake.

And someone to bring such sunshine and joy into everyone's life.

Here's to you HappyJack.

I love you, Kev.

Happy 18th Birthday!

about learning.

2010-01-25T13:14:00.002-05:00

You've made me into who I've become.
Into the person that can stand before you with a smile.
You've taught me self-control.
To act upon diplomacy, not on instinct.
To buy with faith, not with money.
Open my eyes to all they can see.
Not merely to the focus and peripheral.
To move with the music.
Sing with the melody.
To drink to the future.
And to swallow the past.
Believe in dreams and fairytales.
But to be realistic in plans and decisions.
Say what I mean, and mean what I say.
And to not regret an ounce of experience.
To live upon ambition, on hope and on love.
To breathe the scent of compassion and of fear.
Learn to see others for who they are, not for who they aspire to be.
And to feel as if I would have no opportunity to feel that way again.
And to hear the sweet song of humanity.
To drown out the sounds of corruption.
And to love.
To love like you have only one more day.
But to make that one day
last forever.

lost in the corner of the couch

2010-01-23T10:53:00.002-05:00

Motivation is a funny thing. One second we have it, the next we don't.

Where does it go?

Mine gets stuck in the corner cushion of my super-comfy couch. Or sometimes in an episode of Grey's Anatomy.

And then....

it takes forever and a terrible amount of self-discipline to get it back.

Today, I figure, God didn't want me to have motivation. I tossed and turned in bed last night, then woke up with a headache and a stomach virus. I wasn't supposed to be productive today. But why, when I am supposed to be "busy" and "keeping myself occupied" am I blessed with no means of drive or enthusiasm?

In a time when we think we need it most, why don't we have it?

Because we think we need it. And that is exactly why we don't have it. We spend days, or even weeks sometimes not thinking at all, just doing. And then when all the doing is over, its finally time to think.

Today, my doing is over. And now it is my time to think. God knows that, and he knew, on my own, I would've just kept doing. So, here I am, stomach virus and all, finally thinking.

Thinking it's all catching up to me now. All the "being strong" and the "I'll be fine"'s are finally catching up. Right now, I don't have to be strong.

I can be weak and I can cry as much as I want, because God blessed me with a day for being weak.

I don't have to be fine, because I'm not. Because today, I can miss him as much as I want and I can make as many wishes that he was still here that I can imagine.

God gave me today to think.

The world works in mysterious ways, and I'm certainly not one to try to figure it all out. But right now, I'm thinking I can recognize this gift anywhere.

We all can't be super superheroes all the time. Not even most of the time. Sometimes we have to let ourselves fall. Sometimes we have to sob. Sometimes we have to lay in bed all day. And all of the time, it's all okay.

I'm not motivated today. And I'm not driven, or enthusiastic. But right now, I'm thankful. I'm thankful for this headache, and for this massive bout of nausea. I'm thankful for Caly, who is cuddled up next to me. I'm thankful for the sunshine, which despite it's taunting cheerfulness, is just enough to keep me warm. I'm thankful that God decided that in spite of my to-do list and what I thought I wanted today, dealt me a different set of plans. I'm thankful that Romeo is finally where he lives to be. And he's finally out of the back-and-forth hell that has been the past 2 weeks. I'm thankful that he's happy.

The conclusion is this, when all the doing is said and done, stop. Slow down. Take time to be weak and know that it is ok. Be un-motivated. Lose your "I'll be fine"'s to Ben & Jerry's. Be weak with movie and a good cry. Think. And be thankful for that.

Valuable investments

2010-01-20T19:01:00.002-05:00

Today, I bought 2 books. I went out to run errands, to go drop things off. Not pick things up. Anyway, I ended up meandering into a local bookstore, and I bought 2 books.
I've got to tell you, I kinda felt bad. Aside from the necessities, this has been the first purchase I've made for myself since I've been married. Girls, you never think about it before, but once you get married, everything really is "ours". No, really, I mean EVERYTHING. Every hanger. Every piece of old lunchmeat that doesn't get eaten. Every pillow, and newspaper, and everything else in between. And thats an adjustment. I can share though. That's not problem. But then it comes to money, and thats where my comfort level falls apart.
I mean, I've always tried to be independent. Always (after an appropriate age) paid my own bills, bought my own clothes, and worked to do all of that.

and thennnnn.......

I got married and moved 450 miles away from that life.

And now, I share, and even moreso, I depend. And thats just weird.

So everyone is like, "What's the big deal? You bought 2 books?"

I didn't buy those books.

He did.

His hardwork and his paycheck.

And thats where things go gray. Its tough, to adjust. To stop "having to have" a new shirt every time you go out, or to buy something everytime you go to the mall. Its hard, believe me. Because the thing is, before marriage, if the money was there, you could spend it as you please. After marriage, even if the money is there, its not your money. Its our money. And you spend it as we please.

Nonetheless, today, I lost that battle. But now, I'm making sense of it. I spent a sliver of our money, but in order to continue our happy marriage, I have to be sane. I still have to do things that make me happy in order to make him happy in order to keep us happy. So today, I bought 2 books, and today I made a valuable investment in our happiness.

A super smart woman once told me

"you can't make someone else happy unless

you're happy with yourself."

Thats true, and thanks Mom.

The moral of all of this is this:

While Romeo is gone, or even while he's here,

do something for you.

Ladies, this doesn't mean go blow this month's rent

on a pair of shoes.

This means see a movie with a girlfriend.

Or buy some new underwear (he'll appreciate it.)

Or take a drive to the beach.

Or go get your nails done.

Or even....

Go buy 2 books.

Do it for you.

Do it for him.

Do it for we.

These valuable investments pay off when we is happy. Believe me.

So I think....

2010-01-19T11:58:00.003-05:00

that when we try to make plans, God laughs. Not in spite, or in anger, but because he just knows better. No matter what decision or choice we make, its up to that Big Guy Upstairs to approve the paperwork, and personally, I think more often then not, once our choices come across his desk, he gets quite the chuckle.

Planning is ridiculous. I'm not quite sure whose idea it was to begin with, but they have poor judgement. I don't know who they thought they were kidding in tempting fate, and trying to decide our own destiny, but they're just flat out silly.

Someone very wise once told me that "everything happens for a reason, and if you can't find a reason, there is a reason for that too."

yep.

so here comes to optimism, and a list (which obviously always go hand-in-hand)

these are all of the things that I am going to do while Romeo is out-of-town-

Go visit the my favorite lovelies in GA
Roadtrip home with my PIC Caly, and visit family in time for some traditions.
Clean, and I mean CLEAN my car, and now the Jeep also.
Paint the interior of the house, and proceed in making it "home-y"
Volunteer, either with something directly related to Romeo, or in something completely different. Maybe both.
Practice cooking, because even though I have the thought of him eating MRE's for 6 months on my side, I could still use some practice.
Powerwash the deck, restain it, and make it a warm-weather paradise come warm-weather season.
Make friends.
Train. Marathon date May/June 2010. For me, and also because Romeo's request was to not come back to a wife who had doubled in size.
Finish Thank-you notes. Really finish them.
Play with Caly. All the time.
Write letters home, to everyone! Send cards and gifts, just because I'm thinking of them, which I always am.
Plant flowers. Enjoy springtime.

And thats what I have. I have things to do, and things to keep busy. But NO plans. Just a list. And love. lots and lots and lots of love.

everyday.

2010-01-16T19:21:00.002-05:00

tell someone everyday that you love them.

not because we're never sure of our tomorrows, but because we're never sure of someone else's now.

it will NEVER hurt someone to hear that they're loved.
it will NEVER make someone's day worse.

it doesn't matter that tomorrow isn't a promise, but it does matter that right now is.

and to love someone, right now, in that very moment is all that matters.

God gave us love because he wanted us to feel warmth. Just as heat is measurable, and cold is adversely the absense of heat, sadness is the absense of love.

so don't hesitate the next time love is a thought, or the next time it may just be a whisper. be sure of right now and that not a

single

lovely moment

should ever

pass.

January 15th, 2010

2010-01-15T11:06:00.003-05:00

And I am sitting on my back deck in a tank top.

And with this, Southern living is beginning to grow on me.

I think the trees are confused though, I mean my wardrobe is. I love these days, the ones that come out of nowhere just exactly when you need them. I needed a day in the sun, but honestly, I'd like to think I need everyday in the sun.

As an update, we're still waiting. No news is good news though, especially when it is almost 80 degrees outside. I can handle waiting today.

Romeo told me last night that he wasn't as excited to go to Haiti anymore. He told me that he was no longer looking forward to months of dirty clothes and sleeping in tents. He even went as far to say that with the thought of months of MRE's coming his way, my cooking was starting to look not-so-bad after all. This could all be working in my favor!

He can read my thoughts when I can't. He knows how I feel before I feel it. He amazes me.

but I know him too...

and for the man who lives for combat and adventure to say he isn't excited anymore, is enough to cause alarm.

I did this.

I've been too loving for him to want to leave.

Done too many loads of dirty uniforms and socks for him to want to go.

Made too many cookies for him to want brown plastic packages for months.

Played too many video games for him to want to go to a land of no communication.

How can I make this easier for him?

I've already done my best so he doesn't know I cry.

Stayed as self suffiecient and independent as can be.

Not nagged or clung to him and his every move.

As the wife of a man whose job it is to walk away at a moment's notice,

how do we make that task do-able?

I've been reading about the psychological toll that sudden deployments take on Soldiers, from the initial adrenaline and excitement, to the eventual second thoughts and worries. What as wives do we do to help?

The more we comfort, the more he wants to keep the security.

The more we calm, the more he craves the serenity.

The more we support, the more he wants to support us.

I guess the moral of all of this is theres not a way to make these things any easier. You just have to do it. We can spend day in and day out trying to rationalize and cope, but the more you try, the more you fail. Spend day in and day out praying for exactly what will help you make it through...

"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I

cannot change; Courage to change the

things that I can, and the Wisdom to know

the difference."

And as such, it begins...

2010-01-14T15:42:00.000-05:00

So as I am beginning a new chapter in my life, I have decided (or have been coerced) to document my adventures via blog. My lovely cousins have verified through example exactly how much fun it is to journal thoughts and experiences for the world to share. I like to write, and I like to share stories and thoughts. Adversely, feelings... not so much.

I shouldn't say I don't like to do it, it just isn't my strong suite.

Feelings are sometimes so hard to identify, and so challenging to decipher exactly what feels like what. Sometimes being "happy" isn't just being happy, it could be excitement or relief. Sometimes being "upset" isn't just being upset either, it can be anger or pain. Feelings are certainly a struggle to make sense of, and when they're so tricky to figure out, it's even harder to cope with.

Right now, I'm sitting on the couch with my dearest partner-in-crime, Caly. She's our 5-month old Pitbull, and the sweetest thing in the whole wide world. No, seriously, she is.

Look, see?

Anyway, we're sitting here waiting (and waiting, believe me, is the highest form of torture I know of). My husband, which by the way is still really weird to say (does it ever stop being weird?) got orders yesterday to deploy to the island of Haiti to assist in the efforts after a monumental earthquake. Michael, my husband, and I have been married almost a month now, and are just finally getting situated and comfortable in our new home. So needless to say, as

things began to quiet down in our new life, something had to happen to shake things up a bit.

Who wants peace and quiet anyway?

So, I've been waiting on a phone call, or a text message, or smoke signals, or an email, or something to indicate any decisive direction in which this is going. Nothing.

Ughhhhh.

So, I'm going to be an optimist now, and find the silver lining. And with that, I am sure I will keep my mind occupied.

Another thing I am sure of right now, is that I am thankful.

I am thankful for the FRG. Despite all of the things I have been told, I am BEYOND relieved that there are a few women who I can turn to and know they're feeling the way I am too.
I am thankful that my husband is ready and able to go help the people of Haiti.
I am thankful that I haven't ever had to suffer through something like the Haitians are.
I am thankful that I live in a country that has a sense of humanity and of a world community. As much as its may seem like it would be an inconvienience, every Soldier who will be leaving this weekend isn't the slightest bit unhappy about it. These men and women are dropping everything for the next 3-6 months to go help people they have zero relation to. That is humanity.
I am thankful that I have a family and friends who are by my side from 450 miles away.
I am thankful that God has given me the strength to be supportive, and to understand his duties as an American Soldier.

That's going to be all for now. But I'll leave this saying that no matter how "upset" or "mad" or "frustrated" I feel, it will all still be here. I'm going to make the best of all of this time, whether he is here or not, and I'll continue to be Thankful.